Living with the things you love: a conversation with Mary Randolph Carter

Mary Randolph Carter teaches us to surround ourselves with what matters to live happily ever after.
Carter Berg
Mary Randolph Carter teaches us to surround ourselves with what matters to live happily ever after.
There is magic in a home filled with the things we love, and Mary Randolph Carter, affectionately known as “Carter,” has spent a lifetime embracing that magic. Her latest book, “Live with the Things You Love … and You’ll Live Happily Ever After,” is about storytelling, joy, and honoring life’s poetry through the objects we keep.
“This is my tenth book,” Carter said. “At the root of each is my love of collecting, the thrill of the hunt, and living surrounded by things that conjure up family, friends, and memories.”
The creative director at Ralph Lauren for almost four decades, Carter began writing this book during the pandemic, a time of rediscovering comfort. “I found more time to appreciate those special things that give our homes warmth and connection.” Working with Ralph Lauren, she learned that the best spaces tell a personal story. “His desk was filled with toy cars, miniature shoes, superheroes, English dandies, cowboys on horseback. The walls? A gallery of his children’s paintings, iconic photos of Frank Sinatra and Gary Cooper. Everything told a story.”
Carter acknowledges how homes can become overwhelmed with stuff but sees a difference between clutter and collection. “To live happily, create environments that inspire and comfort rather than encumber you! Look around and ask, ‘What is truly meaningful? What makes you smile? What recalls the people and places you cherish?’” Then, she added, “weed out the rest with discipline and courage!”
Provided
Each home in Carter’s book reflects its inhabitant’s spirit. “The first time I walked into Bethann Hardison’s apartment, I knew right away how authentic it was to who she is.” Hardison’s walls are lined with artwork from friends Keith Haring, Jean-Michel Basquiat, and Haitian paintings, testaments to a life well lived. “Though her mantra is, ‘the lighter the load, the freer the journey,’ she also admits some things ‘delight your environment’ and can’t be parted with. Amen to that!”
Having survived two childhood fires, Carter deeply understands what truly matters. “It’s not the things, but the people and memories they evoke.” She loves her collections, but they don’t possess her. “They make me happy, but they do not define me.”
She delights in how people showcase treasures. Paula Grief, for instance, lives in a ten-foot-wide house and had to part with many books. “She tucks the ones she can’t live without through the rungs of her staircase. I love that ingenuity!”
When asked about her most cherished possession, Carter tells a story of loss and serendipity. A childhood portrait of her in a blue velvet dress was lost in a fire. “Years later, the artist’s daughter found another version. Now, it hangs in our apartment, surrounded by flea market art and one of my favorite saints, Our Lady of Guadalupe.”
Adding to the cozy feeling of this book, Carter’s son, Carter Berg, took the photographs, and her sister, Cary, contributed the illustrations. “Cary once stayed in our apartment and painted a dozen objects from our cluttered kitchen. I hung them immediately. When I started this book, I knew she had to capture my favorite objects.”
Four of the featured homes are local to the Northwest Corner, including Carter’s in Millerton, Joan Osofsky’s in Lakeville, Robin Bell’s in Salisbury, and Paula Grief’s in Hudson. They all gathered at the White Hart/Oblong Speaker Series on March 27.
After perusing the richly colored pages of this book, you may feel tempted to shop. “You don’t need money to create a meaningful home,” Carter insisted. “Some of my favorite paintings cost no more than $10 or $25. Value is personal. It’s not about provenance but the story an object tells you or the one you make up.”
Carter’s advice? “Fall in love with the wackiest thing. Surround yourself with what matters, and you’ll live happily ever after.”
AMENIA — Sidewalk construction that will extend the town sidewalk to Beekman Park got underway this week along Route 44.
On Wednesday, August 20, the crew was checking excavation lines.
Work is expected to continue for the next three to four weeks. Residents should anticipate minor traffic delays.
Sidewalk construction that will extend the town sidewalk to Beekman Park got underway this week along Route 44. On Wednesday, August 20, excavation began. Project Manager Don D. was at the controls of the excavation equipment.Photo by Leila Hawken
In light of rising local interest in the centuries-old game of Backgammon, Wednesday afternoon backgammon instruction and play sessions are being offered at The Hotchkiss Library of Sharon. The first such session was held on Wednesday, Aug. 13, attracting two enthusiastic participants, both of whom resolved to return for the weekly sessions.
Expert player and instructor Roger Lourie of Sharon, along with his equally expert wife, Claude, led the session, jumping right into the action of playing the game. Claude chose to pair with Janet Kaufman of Salisbury, a moderately experienced player looking to improve her skills, while Lourie teamed himself with Pam Jarvis of Sharon, who was new to the game.
In 2023, Lourie formed Backgammon of Northwestern Connecticut with two objectives: to promote the game in the northwest corner of the state and to teach it to children and adults interested in learning. In addition to the Wednesday sessions at The Hotchkiss Library, an informal, casual group meets at Le Gamin in Sharon every Saturday morning from 9 a.m. to noon.
Acting as co-chairman is Ed Corey who leads the Le Gamin sessions, offering advice and instruction. Both Corey and Lourie play competitively and have distinguished themselves by winning tournaments. There are no fees for participation at either Hotchkiss or Le Gamin. Children, ages 8 and up, are welcome to come and learn the game, along with adults of any experience level.
Lourie says that he can teach a person to play competitively in three lessons.
Sessions at The Hotchkiss Library will continue until the end of the year and perhaps beyond, depending on interest. Lourie will be the instructor until mid-November, when expert player Ed Corey will assume responsibility for the sessions at the Hotchkiss Library.
“We’re hoping for more people and also to see youngsters participating and learning the game,” Lourie said.
“The beginner can be the expert with the right dice,” said Lourie, explaining that it is a game combining chance and strategy. An understanding of mathematics and probability can be helpful.
Lourie summarized the randomness of dice and the strategy of poker. “I want to know the proper etiquette,” Kaufman offered, intent on knowing more about the proper moves, although her play indicated a credible level of skill.
Stopping in to observe the Hotchkiss session, executive director of the library, Gretchen Hachmeister said, “We know that people come to library game sessions. People love games, getting together to learn something new.”
Lourie learned the game under extremely unusual circumstances — as a detainee in a Soviet prison during the1960s missile crisis, while working in Naval Engineering to decipher code for the U.S. Office of Technological Security.
Imprisonment was not terrible, he said. There was predictable questioning by day when he repeated daily the details of his cover story. But at night, the guards — many the same age as the detainees — had finished their shifts and of interrogation.They unplugged the cameras to brew tea and the backgammon games would begin. That was how Lourie learned the game and became an expert.
Board games date back 5,000 years to ancient Mesopotamia. Modern backgammon goes back to 17th-century England, having evolved from a 16th-century game called “Irish.”It grew in popularity in the 1960s, leading to formation of a World Backgammon Club in Manhattan. And then in 2023, Backgammon of Northwestern Connecticut came to be.
To learn more about the Backgammon sessions at The Hotchkiss Library, visit: www.hotchkisslibraryofsharon.org or contact Lourie directly at Rlourie@gmail.com.
Pantry essentials at Dugazon
You are invited to celebrate the opening of Dugazon, a home and lifestyle shop located in a clapboard cottage at 19 West Main Street, the former site of The Edward in Sharon. The opening is Wednesday, Aug. 27 at 11 a.m.
After careers in the world of fashion, Salisbury residents Bobby Graham and his husband, Matt Marden, have curated a collection of beautiful items that reflect their sense of design, love of hospitality, and Graham’s deep Southern roots. Dugazon is his maternal family name.
“My Louisiana roots come from my mother’s family in Baton Rouge via New Orleans where many of my memories of cooking, food, antiquing, flea markets, hospitality, entertaining, originate,” Graham said.“Being raised in Sioux Falls, South Dakota, enhanced the importance of community, family, friends and regional cultures, forming the essence of Dugazon.”
Graham and Marden sat on the front porch telling the story of their shop’s evolution. With its wicker loveseats and geraniums in bloom, the old porch invites visitors to linger.
Matt Marden and Bobby Graham open Dugazonat 19 West Main St.in Sharon on Aug 27. Jennifer Almquist
“Bobby has been talking about Dugazon ever since our first date 21 years ago,” Marden said smiling. “I could not be more thrilled that his dream has finally become our reality.”
Graham laughed, then shared their hope that Dugazon embodies the spirit of lagniappe, a French concept of “adding a little extra to bring unexpected kindness, generosity and delight into everyday life.”
Marden worked at Staley-Wise Gallery in New York City. “Town & Country” recruited him to cover men’s fashion. He became fashion director of “Details” magazine and later style director for “Esquire” magazine.
Graham spent 24 years at Condé Nast as a Fashion and luxury advertising sales executive for “Vogue,” “GQ,” “Vanity Fair,” “AD,” and “The New Yorker.”
Within their light-filled shop, unique antiques and vintage cookbooks mix with kitchen necessities such as wooden spoons and cutting boards. Dugazon is bursting with elegant and functional items ranging from designer John Derian treasures to Louisiana hot sauce, luxurious table linens from Milan-based La Double J, and pantry essentials including Café Du Monde beignet mix, Mam Papaul’s jambalaya fixings, and various jams.
Scandinavian 19-inch tapered candles from creators ester & erik are available in 30 colors. Other offerings include vivid naïve paintings by New Orleans-born artist Alvin Batiste, who now works out of Donaldsonville, Louisiana, and paper goods designed by Marden’s first cousin, Carey Marden Shaulus.
Alvin Batiste paintings and ester& erik candles on display at Dugazon.Jeff Holt
“Dugazon becoming a reality has been a lifelong dream that comes from deep in my creative soul,” Graham said.“My experiences and memories from my roots, family and friends is what Dugazon is all about. Being able to share this with the world means everything to us.”
Dugazon opens Wednesday, Aug. 27 at 11 a.m.and will be open Wednesdays through Sundays 11 a.m. to 5 p.m. Closed Mondays and Tuesdays.
Phone: 860-397-5196
Instagram:@dugazonshop
Website:www.dugazonshop.com