Bob Dylan wrote “The Times They are a Changin’” and that was certainly true in the dating world. I knew people who found a partner online, mostly 30 something’s, and decided to give it a try.
I researched dating sites the way I used to research stocks, with the same confidence that I’d make an “ informed” decision. I started with JDate and Our Time, but they were each too limiting — my religion is hugely important to me, but it only mattered that the man I chose respected it, and the “senior” dating sites were depressing — I didn’t want age to be our common denominator.
I then did a “trial run” on Match.com and that seemed ideal for me though it was not totally reliable, not always credible, certainly not algorithmically accurate, but replete with SO many good selections.
It’s challenging to create a profile, and I was wary of revealing too much but wanted to be clear about my negotiables (religion, career, education, widowed/ divorced, children) and non- negotiables (politics, sense of humor, motivation, compassion). I made sure my photos were recent and relevant and highlighted my career, travel, sense of humor, independence, focus on social justice, and total DIS-interest in sports. I provided my first name but was vague about other details (employer, alma mater) which would make me easy to Google.
Fortunately I was a salesman for 40 years and could handle rejection, because it came fast and furious. I initially contacted many men but so few got back to me; I reassured myself that it wasn’t “personal” — they didn’t even know me. It made me wary of continuing, (although I was in the City and had four dates the first week which felt like a good start, including two dates with one man). I recognized the challenges with online dating, encountering more problems than solutions: one man asked to see me again and ,when I readily agreed, told me he had a girlfriend but she worked evenings; another had NO internet presence and implied it was because he worked for a high level secret government agency. I realized quickly that I had to learn to manage expectations, and, as the saying goes, trust but verify.
A week later Covid started, I moved to the country, and everything changed — I could chat but not meet anyone. I learned to avoid crazies, phonies, predators, men who were unsuitable, and just took my time. I learned to ask last names so I could Google them, and insisted on FaceTime to confirm who they were. I expected to return to the City after Covid, and “met” a man who seemed perfect — highly educated, funny, sensitive, and we FaceTimed daily for months until we finally met in person. All the indications were perfect — we even predicted Match would use our narrative in ther ads — but he was really tied to the City and had zero interest in the country — confirmed when he spent a weekend and couldn’t wait to get on the train home.
After a few more dates (in the city!) I ended it.
I was clearly better off dating locally (and maybe Boston and DC), and that first summer primarily dated a retired engineer who had taken up watercolor painting — we had wonderful dates visiting every outdoor sculpture park we could find, but having lived with a fabulously talented artist, I frankly couldn’t “relate” to this man’s work, let alone live with it.
I spent a year dating men from Match and never had a really bad date, but during online chats came across one fellow whose ex-wife had a restraining order against him; another who described himself as a petroleum engineer and gemologist, and I discovered he was wanted for swindling a woman he met online out of $75,000; one who turned blatantly anti-Semitic when I suggested we weren’t a great match; one was described himself as “gender fluid” and told me if we were to meet he couldn’t guarantee he’d come dressed as a man; and one who sent me home from our FIRST date with a draft of his autobiography. That said , I also met several lovely men who were just not what I was looking for.
Please reach out to Gwen with your thoughts or questions at GwenG@millertonnews.com
Gwen lives in Pine Plains with her partner Dennis, her puppy Charlie, and two Angus cows (who are also retired!).
"They had this in mind from last year," girls varsity head coach Les Funk of Pine Plains said. Funk said the young team wanted the sectional title and "never gave up," until they won it Wednesday, March 5, at Mount Saint Mary College.Photo by Nathan Miller
Naveah Rennie, no 34 of Pine Plains, was the Bombers' dominant scorer, racking up 20 points by the end of the matchup against S.S. Seward Institute during the Section IX Class C finals at Mount Saint Mary College on Wednesday, March 5.Photo by Nathan Miller
Lent: Time to consider social gospel movement
We are entering the annual Christian season of Lent this week.With its 40 days of contemplation and “little Easter” Sundays, it is a time to remember the healing ministry and the sacrifice of Jesus.During this season, we are invited to think deeply about our role as agents of grace and love in our hurting world.
There is a long history of making sacrifices and commitments for Lent, modeling our discipleship and hopes for a more heavenly world. It is through this lens that I invite you to join us in considering what gifts and services the community needs that we can commit to bringing forth in the weeks leading up to Easter.While many lean into solitary introspection during Lent, it may be particularly advantageous to use our meditations and sacrifices for the greater good this year.
John Wesley, the founder of Methodism, advised his followers centuries ago that “The gospel of Christ knows of no religion, but social; no holiness but social holiness. Faith working by love is the length and depth and breadth and height of Christian perfection.”These words are connected to the firm belief of Wesley that a Methodist was fundamentally one who loved God with all their heart, mind, strength, and soul, along with loving one’s neighbor as oneself.He believed that being in love with God naturally also required loving other people, as every person was a beloved soul coming from the same source of life that we are.
Consequently, Wesley stood against slavery long before it was a popular view, prioritized caring for those who were poor and imprisoned, and made a point to do good to as many as he could for as long as he was physically able.
Indeed, the Methodists are not the only Christians who believe such things.These thoughts are primary messages of the Christian faith.In more recent history, we can note that during the time of the Golden Age, at the end of the late 19th century, the Christians mobilized to counteract the abject poverty, child labor, dangerous working conditions, and lack of education of the time.Famous theologians such as Washington Gladden, Walter Rauschenbusch, and W.E.B. DuBois began the Social Gospel movement, enacting with new verve the passion of Christ that empowers the community toward building the Kingdom of God.As Christians, they believed in uplifting the downtrodden and creating a community where all had a chance to thrive.Child labor laws were enacted, better working conditions were secured, Sunday School helped provide education, settlement houses were created, and the Salvation Army was born.
The social gospel movement continued in another wave of reforms and empowerment through the Civil Rights era.Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. gave his intellect, energy, and life to help secure the reforms that enabled persons of color to vote, go to non-segregated schools, and have the right to share public spaces without discrimination.Like Christ, he paid the ultimate price for his prophetic vision.However, his impact on our society was formidable, lasting far beyond his short lifetime.
As Christians, it is very clear what to do in times of hardship, crisis, or challenge.Throughout the centuries, our call has been to help heal the world, doing whatever we can to uplift and transform loneliness into community, reminding each one how precious they are and how important it is to unite for the sake of the whole.Individually, the challenges can be overwhelming, even too much to bear.Collectively, we can do all things through the One who strengthens us.As they say, “We have the receipts!” We can do it again.
This Lent, let us give up our pessimism and fear, replacing it with a commitment to community and hope.Yes, things can seem dreadful, but our souls are not served by allowing ourselves to descend into the dark.We are keepers of the light.Let us do all within our power to create brightness so that its warmth may strengthen all as we live into the Social Gospel movement for our time.Chin up, friends, we can do this.We simply must be willing to get serious about doing it together.
Rev. Dr. Anna Crews Camphouse is pastor of Canaan, Lakeville, Millerton, and Sharon United Methodist Churches
Lead Pastor of the Northwestern Hills Cooperative
Parish UMC