Love and romance — and swiping left or right

Johnny Lee recorded “Looking for Love in all the Wrong Places” for “Urban Cowboy” and that seems like the perfect metaphor for dating at this stage of life.

When most of us first entered the dating world several decades ago, we met each other at parties, college, where we lived, the gym, bars, or while shopping. I met my first husband at a small menswear store on the Upper West Side, although for the life of me I have no idea what I was doing there, and I recall one fellow I met in line waiting to vote — he worked for the FBI and I remember every time he came into my apartment he took off his gun and my biggest fear was that the cat would somehow get to it!

I met my late husband at the gym — that was really the ideal place to meet although I joined it simply because it was nearest to my office — it was in the World Trade Center, where all of us Wall Street crazies arrived when it opened at 6:00 a.m. We found ourselves on adjoining treadmills ( along with then Mayor Ed Koch), progressed to running across the Brooklyn Bridge together, and what ultimately ensued was a glorious 37 years! Not surprisingly, that pushed many of my girlfriends to join a gym; as a bonus, I also met some women who have become my dearest friends over the years.

Dating was easy, frequent, often casual, challenging, and sometimes led to heartbreak, but for most of us, it was part of the process of finding a spouse, of meeting THE person we thought we could spend the rest of our life with. We had very definite rules, and tended to judge each other critically — would our friends like the person, would our parents, did we agree on everything, were we similar in every way imaginable , and could we finally STOP dating and get married.

Fast forward to 2020 after my husband’s passing and I realized I could have a wonderful life flying solo, but I wanted to try dating again. I was still living in the City, and anticipated meeting someone “organically” at dinner parties or at the gym ( again), at benefits or at the bookstore, through business or volunteering. I assumed it would be as simple as it had been 40 years before, but I was SO wrong. For starters , I didn’t have the energy to go out all the time, let alone “flirt” as I used to , and I wasn’t even sure what that would look like at this stage of life . A friend once complained to me that men no longer looked at her on the street, and I pointed out that men still looked at me, but they were just much older than I remembered!

There was always the possibility of being “fixed up,” but in a world where single older women far outnumber single older men, the likelihood of that declined with each passing year . A friend mentioned a man she knew in Boston who was recently widowed and she felt confident we would really hit it off. He suggested we Face Time, and when we did I thought he was delightful— attractive, intelligent, charming — he told me after about a half hour that we weren’t suitable for each other and ended the call rather abruptly. I was stunned, and deeply offended, but it was a fast preview of what dating life could become. I no longer had the energy to look my best every day, to sign up for classes where I might meet someone, to be the extra person at a dinner party of married couples, to travel alone, and to check on whether or not a man was wearing a wedding ring (which I realize that many of us who are widowed, often still do for some period of time after our spouse passes away).

I needed a new way to meet men, and in coming columns will discuss online dating — the ugly, the bad, the good and sometimes you just hit the jackpot!

Please reach out to Gwen with your thoughts or questions at GwenG@millertonnews.com

Gwen lives in Pine Plains with her partner Dennis, her puppy Charlie, and two Angus cows (who are also retired!).

The views expressed here are not necessarily those of The Millerton News and The News does not support or oppose candidates for public office.

Latest News

Village announces annual nighttime parking ban

Millerton Police will be enforcing the ban on overnight street parking over the winter beginning Dec. 10. The ban is intended to keep streets clear for plowing.

Photo by Aly Morrissey

MILLERTON – The Village of Millerton issued an alert last week reminding residents of its seasonal overnight parking ban.

“In accordance with the provisions of article 151-13 of the Village of Millerton Code, all-night parking is prohibited on all streets within the Village between the hours of 11:30 p.m. and 6:00 a.m. beginning Dec. 10, 2025 and ending April 10, 2026, except for Century Boulevard. Violators will be towed at the owner’s expense.”

Keep ReadingShow less
The pig behind Millerton’s downtown farm-to-table restaurant

Willa the Pig lies on a bed of blankets and pillows in her home in Millerton.

Photo by Aly Morrissey

MILLERTON — Alanna Broesler didn’t always know she wanted a pet pig. But between watching the movie Babe on repeat as a child and working on a pig farm, the co-owner of Millerton’s farm-to-table restaurant Willa, joked, “there were signs.”

Willa is the restaurant’s namesake — a 130-pound house pig who loves smoothies, snuggling and sassing her family. She is a potbellied and Juliana cross with big spots and a big personality to match.

Keep ReadingShow less
‘Hidden Treasures of the Hudson Valley:’ North East Historical Society Hosts Annual Meeting

Anthony Musso discusses his book “Hidden Treasures of the Hudson Valley” at the North East Historical Society’s annual meeting on Saturday, Nov. 15. The book centers on historical sites across the region with rich backgrounds and low ticket-prices for maximum accessbility.

Photo by Aly Morrissey

MILLERTON — With his signature Brooklyn accent, sense of humor and wealth of knowledge, author and historian Anthony “Tony” Musso brought American Revolution history to life at the NorthEast-Millerton Library Annex in partnership with the North East Historical Society.

The talk marked Musso’s first speaking engagement at the Annex and coincided with the historical society’s annual meeting.

Keep ReadingShow less
Students curate Katro Storm portraits at HVRHS

“Once Upon a Time in America” features ten portraits by artist Katro Storm.

Natalia Zukerman

The Kearcher-Monsell Gallery at Housatonic Valley Regional High School in Falls Village is once again host to a wonderful student-curated exhibition. “Once Upon a Time in America,” ten portraits by New Haven artist Katro Storm, opened on Nov. 20 and will run through the end of the year.

“This is our first show of the year,” said senior student Alex Wilbur, the current head intern who oversees the student-run gallery. “I inherited the position last year from Elinor Wolgemuth. It’s been really amazing to take charge and see this through.”

Keep ReadingShow less