Reassessing how we punish victims of domestic violence

Michelle Horton told the story of her sister’s experience surviving domestic violence and subsequent incarceration at Scoville Memorial Library on March 27.
Natalia Zuckerman
Michelle Horton told the story of her sister’s experience surviving domestic violence and subsequent incarceration at Scoville Memorial Library on March 27.
SALISBURY — “Nikki’s lifelong belief that she had to hide is rooted in a cultural truth that, in fact, your truth is not always safe, and you’re not always going to be believed.” said author Michelle Horton of her sister, Nikki Addimando, a survivor of years of domestic violence who was ultimately incarcerated for killing her abuser.
Horton was presenting her new book, “Dear Sister: A Memoir of Secrets, Survival, and Unbreakable Bonds,” at an event at The Scoville Library on Wednesday, March 27.
It was put on in conjunction with Project SAGE, a community-focused organization dedicated to supporting and advocating for victims of relationship violence, and the Nicole Addimando Community Defense Committee, a collective of Addimando’s friends and advocates who built a national grassroots movement to repeal, repair and ultimately end the harms of criminalizing domestic abuse survivors.
Nicole Addimando is the central figure of Horton’s book, a breathtaking account of the high-profile case in which Addimando was sentenced to life for the killing of her long-time abuser.
Overnight, Horton became the caregiver for Addimando’s two small children, Ben and Faye, while also raising her own son, Noah, as she embarked on the battle of a lifetime against the criminal justice system.
In September 2017, Addimando shot and killed her domestic partner, Christopher Grover in an act of self-defense. In April 2019, Addimando was convicted of second-degree murder and gun possession.
Despite an abundance of evidence to corroborate the years of abuse Addimando endured, the prosecution instead relied on harmful fallacies, domestic violence myths, character assassination, victim blaming and unsubstantiated claims to make their case.
But perhaps most disturbingly, prior to Addimando’s sentencing, New York passed the Domestic Violence Survivors Justice Act, which specifically authorized reductions in sentences for domestic-violence survivors when the abuse they suffered “was a significant contributing factor to the defendant’s criminal behavior.”
Judge Edward McLoughlin, an elected judge still serving on Dutchess County’s Supreme and County Courts, presided in Addimando’s case, and ruled instead that the case did not meet the requirements of a reduced sentence because she “could have left her abuser.”
On February 11, 2020, Judge McLoughlin sentenced Addimando to 19-years-to-life, plus 15 years, plus 5 years post supervision.
After a year of advocacy, in June 2021, an appeals court struck down the ruling, and Addimando’s sentence was reduced to 7.5 years. She was released from prison in January 2024 and is currently on parole and living with her sister in Poughkeepsie.
The bigger picture
In the US, three women die every day at the hands of a current or former intimate partner, and the myth of “just leaving” is not possible. A commonly referenced statistic among domestic violence advocates is that victims make an average of seven attempts to leave an abusive relationship.
Leaving isn’t a single event; rather, it’s a complex process that necessitates meticulous preparation and groundwork. Decades of research, including a groundbreaking femicide study from 2003, by Jacquelyn Campbell, and a three-country study from 1993, by Margo Wilson and Martin Daly, shows that the most dangerous time for a victim is when she is leaving the relationship.
After Horton’s reading of a moving passage from the book which underscored the trauma experienced by Addimando and her family, an audience member expressed shock that Addimando was “hiding in plain sight to most of her family and friends.”
The audience member then went on to ask what could be done to “encourage people to be more courageous in seeing and helping victims and what can be done to encourage victims to reach out to broader support?”
Virginia Gold, director of client services at Project Sage responded by noting that the current social environment emphasizes enabling the victim to make different choices.
She explained that this was a way of blaming or putting the onus on the victim of domestic violence, which “creates a context in which someone hears the unspoken messages that they are the one who has to fix this thing happening to them, as opposed to the idea that we are responsible for shifting our assumptions about how relationships should work.”
She said, “one of the reasons that we talk about social change [is that this] erases the responsibility that we need to hold for perpetrators and the conversation that we need to have that identifies the kinds of behaviors that are condoned, ignored, rationalized, or allowed to continue.
The justice system
“How do we go about getting this judge off the bench?” asked another audience member to applause, referring to Judge McLoughlin.
Horton responded, “We need voters in Dutchess County to spread the word because he will be up for reelection in 2025.
“It’s an elected position so we can vote him out of power. It is possible.”
Judge McLoughlin is also a professor of criminal law at Marist College, where some students are petitioning to terminate his role due to his handling of Addimando’s case.
Among the list of grievances against the judge is perpetuation of harmful myths about domestic violence. “How can the college claim to ‘foster a safe living and learning environment for all’ when someone with such a fundamental, well-documented lack of understanding about domestic violence is allowed to shape the minds of young people?” the petition asks.
There are currently 812 signatures on the petition. Marist declined to comment.
A staff member of Judge McLoughlin’s chambers said that because the case is still considered pending, McLoughlin is not able to comment on the case at this time.
Aftermath
“I never had any illusion that Nikki coming home was going to be a happy ending, but I think she’s in a much better position than most,” Horton said, referring to the fact that Addimando has resources, community and family support, something the majority of incarcerated women do not.
Horton said that the family is working to heal from this trauma.
“We’re all looking forward to the future but it’s challenging at different points because, you know, healing is hard,” she said.
AMENIA — The first day of school on Thursday, Sept. 4, at Webutuck Elementary School went smoothly, with teachers enthusiastically greeting the eager young students disembarking from buses. Excitement was measurable, with only a few tears from parents, but school began anyway.
Ready for her first day of school on Thursday, Sept. 4, at Webutuck Elementary School, Liliana Cawley, 7, would soon join her second grade class, but first she posed for a photo to mark the occasion.Photo by Leila Hawken
Demitasse owner Hayden McIntosh Geer said she is excited by the shift to online sales.
MILLERTON — Some might have argued that launching an in-person retail business during the height of the COVID-19 pandemic wasn’t advisable. But against all odds, Demitasse in Millerton managed not only to build a thriving, mission-based brand in a small storefront on Main Street, it developed a loyal customer base and provided a welcoming space for visitors. Last week, Demitasse announced it is closing-up shop and moving fully online.
“We are excited,” said owner Hayden McIntosh Geer, who opened Demitasse with her husband, Richard, in 2020. “Though we will miss our customers and the camaraderie on Main Street, it feels right and there was no second guessing.”
The building that houses Demitasse and neighboring Candy-O’s is on the market, leaving the future uncertain. Geer said she and Richard will continue supporting their favorite Millerton spots, now with more time to enjoy local businesses and neighbors.
Known for its carefully selected gifts and home goods, Demitasse has received frequent praise for its curation. Yet Geer is quick to deflect. “I didn’t know I was creative until I opened the store,” she joked. “When anyone talks about the curation I just point to the makers. They are the ones who create the beautiful items that hold purpose and intention. That’s what made our place special.”
The decision to open a gift shop was never part of a master plan, Geer said. “We found our way as we went along and it happened very organically.” But from day one, she knew she wanted to support marginalized artists and makers.
Demitasse owner Hayden McIntosh Geer, right, and her husband, Richard, sitting on the bench in front of the Main Street storefront. Photo by Jessica Yurko
For example, Sidai Designs, which makes beaded jewelry in Africa, provides work for 120 Maasai women and helps support their communities. Maison d’Haiti, which produces handcrafted goods in Haiti, employs nearly 100 women at fair-trade wages, giving them a reliable income through sales in the U.S. and Haiti.
One of the highlights of having a storefront — and a true testament to what she and her husband had created — came when the editor of a major culture and lifestyle magazine told Geer how much she loved shopping at Demitasse for its quality and mission-driven products.
“I could have quit right there,” Geer joked, reflecting on the highs and lows of the last five years.
Just as thoughtfully as the products were curated, every element of the store reflected care and craftsmanship. Hayden and Richard incorporated their tastes and skills into every nook and cranny, including shelving made from reclaimed wood from their home. Some of those shelves now have a new life at The Beehive, a boutique in Mount Kisco, New York.
Today, their digital shelves continue to highlight a diverse range of makers, with biographical details available on each product listing. The website carries the same aesthetic found in-store, maintaining the mission to support LGBTQ+ makers, environmentally friendly products, and Black- and women-owned businesses.
Looking ahead, Geer says, “We want people to know that if they enjoyed shopping in our store, they’ll love our website.” Shoppers can still expect beautiful gift wrapping and flexible exchange policies, and Geer is offering personal deliveries within driving distance on a limited basis.
Above all, Geer says her heart is full of gratitude for her customers. “They came in, shared life stories and became friends. We love Millerton, and I hope people will remain in touch.”
Millerton Police Chief Joseph Olenik shows off the new gear. Brand new police cruisers arrived last week.
MILLERTON — The Millerton Police Department has received two new patrol cars to replace vehicles destroyed in the February 2025 fire at the Village Water and Highway Department.
The new Ford Interceptors are custom-built for law enforcement. “They’re more rugged than a Ford Explorer,” said Millerton Police Chief Joseph Olenik, noting the all-wheel drive, heavy-duty suspension and larger tires and engine. “They call it the ‘Police Package.’”
Olenik worked with The Cruiser’s Division in Mamaroneck, New York, to design the vehicles.
“We really want to thank the Pine Plains Police Department for their tremendous support,” Olenik said. After the fire, “they were the first ones to come forward and offer help.”
The new police cruisers are outfitted with lights with automatically adjusting brightness to best perform in ambient conditions.Photo by Aly Morrissey
Since February, Millerton officers have been borrowing a patrol car from Pine Plains. With the new vehicles now in service, Olenik said he plans to thank Pine Plains officers by treating them to dinner at Four Brothers in Amenia and having their car detailed
Erin Rollins of Millbrook in the Fashion Feed booth, open year round, at the Millbrook Antiques Mall. All proceeds from Fashion Feeds go to the Food of Life Pantry.
MILLBROOK – In a time when optimism and unity can feel elusive, sometimes a walk down Franklin Avenue is enough to feed the soul. With Millbrook Community Day just around the corner, one highlight will be Fashion Feeds, a community effort led by Millbrook native Erin Rollins, whose mission is to fight local hunger.
The concept is simple. People donate new or gently used designer fashion, which is sold at affordable prices, and all proceeds benefit The Food of Life/Comida de Vida Pantry at St. Thomas Episcopal Church in Amenia.
Since hosting her first charitable clothing swap 12 years ago, Rollins has raised nearly $100,000 for the pantry. She expects to hit six figures this month.
“Food insecurity is a real issue, and when I’m able to walk into the church and hand over money to a need that is so significant, it fills my cup,” Rollins said.
Fashion Feeds plays a vital role in sustaining the pantry, which serves 653 individuals from 156 households each week. Rev. AJ Stack, priest-in-charge at St. Thomas Episcopal Church and executive director of the Food of Life Pantry, said Fashion Feeds has become one of the pantry’s most successful fundraisers. “With the rising costs of food, housing, healthcare, and transportation, food pantries have become essential for families’ survival,” Stack said.
Fashion Feeds clothing is available year-round at the Millbrook Antiques Mall, but the annual pop-up will take place during Community Day. This year’s sale runs Sept. 18-20, featuring racks of one-of-a-kind finds on the patio and inside Corcoran Country Living from 9 a.m. to 5 p.m. Friday and Saturday.
New this year is a $25 pre-sale Sip & Shop, which includes a glass of prosecco or sparkling water and early access before doors officially open Friday morning.
From J.Crew to Giorgio Armani, shoppers can find designer clothing and accessories at unbeatable prices — from $5 to the thousands — with every dollar going to local families.
An interior designer by trade, Rollins backs up her artistic eye with research to ensure garments and accessories are priced to sell, while also respecting the value of each donation.
“It’s time-consuming,” Rollins said. “But you want to make sure you’re valuing everything that’s donated to you.”
After becoming empty nesters in 2013 and selling their Millbrook landscaping and garden center business, Rollins and her husband were ready to start a new chapter. Rollins found inspiration after attending a clothing swap in Rhinebeck.
“On the way home, I thought, ‘I can do that,’ so I planned my own event that fall and had my friends donate their clothes,” she recalled, laughing about how she made soup for more than 30 women.
While soup is no longer served, the warmth of community continues to fuel the mission.
Millbrook Antiques Mall donates a year-round booth to Fashion Feeds, allowing all profits to go directly to the pantry. When donations outgrew Rollins’ basement, Global Self Storage offered a free unit to hold garment racks — donated by J.McLaughlin — and boxes of designer items. Corcoran Country Living also provides space during Community Day for the annual sale.
“It’s a true community effort in support of our neighbors,” Rollins said.
Beyond feeding families in eastern Dutchess County, Fashion Feeds also aims to address climate change and reduce pollution by promoting secondhand shopping. “Fast fashion is the second biggest polluter in the world, and by donating or purchasing vintage clothing, we’re preventing items from entering the waste stream,” Rollins said.
Though she has stitched Fashion Feeds from the ground up, Rollins prefers to stay out of the spotlight. Lakeville resident Susan Simmons discovered Fashion Feeds last year and was inspired by the mission. She now helps amplify Rollins’ work.
“She is an unsung hero because she does it all herself,” Simmons said, who is helping organize the Thursday Sip & Shop event. “It’s incredible what she quietly does for members of our community.”
Shoppers can support the cause by purchasing items from Fashion Feeds. Accepted payment methods are cash, check or credit card through Zeffy, a platform designed for charitable organizations.