Bleacher bummin’

What’s a bleacher bum to do when there are no bleachers to bum around in? We’re bummin’ man!

Everyone knows the current season of virtually every sport is either shut down, suspended or played to an empty house. Owners are pulling out their hair and zipping shut their wallets. Players are wondering about their next paychecks. Fans are thinking about how to fill the empty hours usually spent at the game on in front of the TV. ESPN is lining up a schedule of soap operas and quiz shows — just kidding — I hope.

All of us are in completely uncharted territory; so what do we do?

Well, you could actually start that novel you have been threatening the public with for years. There’s just about every book ever written online. If you are a baseball fan, you could read Bill James’s baseball abstract; that should last you until at least September.

If you are a golfer, the weather is warm enough to hit buckets full of pitch shots on the back lawn. Or, go for a walk and tell yourself that you are prepping for a local triathlon.

You could go on a diet of no ballpark hot dogs and no beer. Your waistline will actually thank you for it. Heck, you could treat your significant other to a home cooked feast. Shrimp on the bar-be, mate!

Of course, you could use the time to do constructive things like start spring cleaning, fix the leaky gutters, spread fertilizer on the lawn. OK, that line of thought is a non-starter; sorry I mentioned it.

But I’m sure, if you put your mind to it, you could find thousands of ways to pleasurably fill the hours; so put away the black mourning bands and put on the thinking caps. Who knows, this could be the best season yet.

Millerton resident Theodore Kneeland is a former teacher and coach — and athlete.