Sharon man brings Death Cafe to Tri-Corner F.E.E.D., sparks conversations about dying

Sharon man brings Death Cafe to Tri-Corner 
F.E.E.D., sparks conversations about dying

Tri-Corner F.E.E.D. in Millerton.

Aly morrissey

MILLERTON — Christophe Armero thinks talking about death is a good thing.

That’s why he started a “Death Cafe” at Tri-Corner F.E.E.D., a regular event at the South Center Street store where people are invited to enjoy coffee, cake and casual conversations about death. The next event is scheduled for Wednesday, April 29, at 6 p.m.

Armero described the cafe event as an opportunity for people to freely and openly discuss death with no agenda.

“The more you know about death, the more comfortable you are with death,” Armero said. “The better use you’ll be able to make of your limited life.”

The conversations serve as a form of meditation, Armero said, drawing on the work of Swiss sociologist Bernard Crettaz. Englishman Jon Underwood further developed these ideas in 2010, creating the Death Cafe model and hosting the first event at his home in England in 2011.

Since then, more than 23,000 Death Cafe events have been held across the globe, according to deathcafe.com, including Armero’s first in Millerton on March 25.

Those interested in attending the upcoming Death Cafe event in April at Tri-Corner F.E.E.D. can sign up by searching for “Millerton Death Cafe” on www.eventbrite.com.

Armero said his recent Death Cafe was the first held in Millerton in more than a decade. A series of gatherings took place in 2013 and 2014 at Irving Farm Coffee House on Main Street, with a handful of additional events in nearby Falls Village and Great Barrington in 2019 and 2020. While interest in Death Cafes has grown, offerings remain scarce within 100 miles of Millerton.

Death Cafes aim to get people talking openly about death and dying, Armero said, but are not intended to serve as grief counseling sessions. Participants are encouraged to steer the conversation in whatever direction they feel comfortable — a central tenet of the Death Cafe philosophy, according to the organization’s website.

“There’s no therapist here telling you what to do,” Armero said. “Everyone here is talking from their own experiences and sharing their stories.”

Death Cafe allows individuals to host their own events under its name and list them on the organization’s website, provided they adhere to its guiding principles. Chief among those are that gatherings have no set agenda, remain confidential and include cake.

Armero said he hopes the conversations will draw a diverse group of participants, and by that measure, the first event in March was a success. He said many attendees are facing an anticipated loss and come seeking to better prepare.

“We had young people, middle-aged people and old people at this meeting,” Armero said. “It was pretty cool how we had a little bit of everything.”

While Death Cafes are not therapy, Armero said the conversations can benefit people anticipating a loss, those who have recently experienced one and even those who have not. He added that while the concept may seem morbid, the conversations themselves are not.

“It’s just regular people who want to know about death,” Armero said.

One common topic at Death Cafes is the process of dying, Armero said. What happens to a person under end-of-life care or in hospice is not commonly discussed, he said, leading to increased strife for family members or loved ones watching someone die.

Armero’s Death Cafe is sponsored by Tri-Corner F.E.E.D. and East Mountain House, a Salisbury, Connecticut, based end-of-life care provider that offers an alternative to hospice care.

East Mountain House operates under Buddhist-influenced philosophies that emphasize meditation and encourage regularly reflecting on death, Armero said. He added that his own experience with Buddhism and meditation led him to Death Cafes and has helped him process grief in his own life.

Armero’s first experience with a significant loss came in 2012 when his son died of suicide at age 19. Armero described that loss as a terrible shock that set him down the path of exploring grief and death and eventually becoming a certified bereavement counsellor and running a suicide bereavement support group online with his wife, Jennie Baird.

Armero and Baird, who live in Sharon, Connecticut, now spend their retirement making chocolate under the name Mudgetown Chocolate in Tri-Corner F.E.E.D.’s kitchen on South Center Street and volunteering with community organizations across New York and Connecticut.

Armero is also registered as a death doula, a term that refers to people who guide terminal patients and older people through the final stages of life just before death. Armero considers death to be one of his passions, after more than a decade of studying grief and counselling people through bereavement.

Armero hopes the Death Cafe can promote an appreciation for death, or at least more comfort with it.

“The more aware you are of death, the less it scares you and the better you can deal with it,” Armero said. “Your own and the death of your loved ones.”

Latest News

Veterans Park reopens following renovations

Crews finish renovations at Veterans Park by spraying dirt off the new pavers and sidewalk in downtown Millerton on Thursday, May 7.

Photo by Nathan Miller

MILLERTON — Landscaping crews put the finishing touches on upgrades to Veterans Park in downtown Millerton on Thursday, May 7.

Workers had removed the temporary fencing and were spraying dirt off the brand new pavement Thursday afternoon. Scape-Tech Landscaping Technologies began the work on Monday, April 20, and predicted the work would be completed within two to three weeks.

Keep ReadingShow less

Liane McGhee

Liane McGhee
Liane McGhee
Liane McGhee

Liane McGhee, a woman defined by her strength of will, generosity, and unwavering devotion to her family, passed away leaving a legacy of love and cherished memories.

Born Liane Victoria Conklin on May 27, 1957, in Sharon, CT, she grew up on Fish Street in Millerton, a place that remained close to her heart throughout her life. A proud graduate of the Webutuck High School Class of 1975, Liane soon began the most significant chapter of her life when she married Bill McGhee on August 7, 1976. Together, they built a life centered on family and shared values.

Keep ReadingShow less
google preferred source

Want more of our stories on Google? Click here to make us a Preferred Source.

‘Women Laughing’ celebrates New Yorker cartoonists

Ten New Yorker cartoonists gather around a table in a scene from “Women Laughing.”

Eric Korenman

There is something deceptively simple about a New Yorker cartoon. A few lines, a handful of words — usually fewer than a dozen — and suddenly an entire worldview has been distilled into a single panel.

There is also something delightfully subversive about watching a room full of women sit around a table drawing them. Not necessarily because it seems unusual now — thankfully — but because “Women Laughing,” screening May 9 at The Moviehouse in Millerton, reminds us that for much of The New Yorker’s history, such a gathering would have been nearly impossible to imagine.

Keep ReadingShow less

By any other name: becoming Lena Hall

By any other name: becoming Lena Hall

In “Your Friends and Neighbors,” Lena Hall’s character is also a musician.

Courtesy Apple TV
At a certain point you stop asking who people want you to be and start figuring out who you already are.
Lena Hall

There is a moment in conversation with actress and musician Lena Hall when the question of identity lands with unusual force.

“Well,” she said, pausing to consider it, “who am I really?”

Keep ReadingShow less
Remembering Todd Snider at The Colonial Theatre

“A Love Letter to Handsome John” screens at The Colonial Theatre on May 8.

Provided

Fans of the late singer-songwriter Todd Snider will have a rare opportunity to gather in celebration of his life and music when “A Love Letter to Handsome John,” a documentary by Otis Gibbs, screens for one night only at The Colonial Theatre in North Canaan on Friday, May 8.

Presented by Wilder House Berkshires and The Colonial Theatre, the 54-minute film began as a tribute to Snider’s friend and mentor, folk legend John Prine. Instead, following Snider’s death last November at age 59, it became something more intimate: a portrait of the alt-country pioneer during the final year of his life.

Keep ReadingShow less
google preferred source

Want more of our stories on Google? Click here to make us a Preferred Source.

google preferred source

Want more of our stories on Google? Click here to make us a Preferred Source.