
Casper ter Kuile spoke at the Salisbury Forum on Friday, May 9 at the Salisbury School offering insights on the impact of higher rates of people living alone and fewer close relations among all age groups.
Alec Linden
Casper ter Kuile spoke at the Salisbury Forum on Friday, May 9 at the Salisbury School offering insights on the impact of higher rates of people living alone and fewer close relations among all age groups.
SALISBURY — Writer, podcast creator and relationship theorist Casper ter Kuile spoke at the Salisbury Forum May 9 to offer his insights on the modern loneliness crisis, delivering a stimulating talk on how the ancient act of covenant may offer a salve for increasing social disconnect in the United States.
The evening was hosted at Salisbury School’s Miles P.H. Siefert ’53 Theater.
Early in the presentation, ter Kuile related an anecdote from his youth at a boarding school: “Being in this beautiful school campus is reminding me a little bit of that childhood.” He said he was an “awkward” child when he was around 10 and struggled with friendships with his classmates.
As a solution, he developed a points system for each other boy based on “how nice he’d been to [him] that day.” At the end of the week, “whoever had the highest score was my best friend,” he related to a chorus of laughs from the audience.
“It was a lonely childhood,” he said, breaking into laughter himself.
The loneliness his talk addressed though was a more pervasive kind than mere adolescent awkwardness, one that is deeply rooted in culture and economics and affects many in the U.S. and beyond.
“Hanging out with friends, dating people, working life — all drastically down amongst our younger generation,” adding that the phenomenon of loneliness is not unique to young people, but other factors such as higher rates of living alone and fewer close relationships — both family and friends — affect all age groups. “One in four Americans say they have no one to talk to about the most meaningful things in their lives,” he added. “And that includes family members.”
Ter Kuile explained that these statistics are not without cause. Individualism, as it is “baked into” Western politics, democracy and culture, has turned us largely away from each other and toward ourselves.
Ter Kuile’s practice of scoring his classmates is an example of the “commodification of relationships,” he said — a “give and take” model of connecting with others.
New technologies have also contributed in surprising ways. He recounted an example told to him by a fisherman about a practice in bygone days of sharing the catch with neighbors when there was surplus. Since the advent of the freezer, the fisherman told him, the tradition disappeared as people could store their fish for themselves to have later.
One of ter Kuile’s major points described the disappearance of “containers” for social connection, the term he applies for large cultural meeting points and organizations, such as a church. With an academic background in theology, he said he’s curious about what happens when these centers for community ritual disappear.
He posited the “philosophy and practice” of “covenant” as a balm to these disappearing and eroding social resources — a vulnerable, commitment-oriented relationship that helps people transition from “independent to mutually dependable.”
Ter Kuile asked audience members to turn to their seat neighbor and talk about covenants they would like to forge in their own lives. Beth and Bruce, a couple from Cornwall, said that they both had ideas: Beth would like to be a resource and helpful presence in her grandchildren’s lives as they “spread their wings” into adolescence, while Bruce said he’d like to help a former coworker navigate the retirement process.
When ter Kuile opened the floor for questions, an audience member called for Mary Campbell to stand and speak about the non-profit she founded in 2006, Walking our Talk. Based in Berkshire County, the group offers a community hub for women both established in the area or new to town, which Campbell said had been deeply valuable for herself and other women as a new type of social “container.”
After the event had ended, Campbell said she had been “just so inspired” by ter Kuile’s words as they helped her reflect on her own experiences of community and intimacy. “Everything he talked about just jazzes me up,” she said.
As the audience filtered out of the theater, several attendees approached Campbell hoping to learn more about the non-profit.
Ter Kuile’s most direct summary of his philosophy of connection was in response to a question posed by Salisbury Forum Vice President Sarah Tennyson, who asked about the value in forming a covenant with oneself.
“I think we’re a little obsessed with ourselves,” he responded. Rather than follow the age-old guidance of looking within for answers, he suggested that perhaps it is time to look towards each other.
Kevin Kelly
“I was exposed to that cutthroat, ‘Yes, chef’ culture. It’s not for me. I don’t want anyone apologizing for who they are or what they love.”— Kevin Kelly
Kevin Kelly doesn’t call himself a chef; he prefers “cook.” His business, After Hours, based in Great Barrington, operates as what Kelly calls “a restaurant without a home,” a pop-up dining concept that prioritizes collaboration over competition, flexibility over permanence, and accessibility over exclusivity.
Kelly grew up in Great Barrington and has roots in the Southern Berkshires that go back ten generations. He began working in restaurants at age 14. “I started at Allium and was hooked right off the bat,” he said. He worked across the region from Cantina 229 in New Marlborough to The Old Inn on the Green at Jacob’s Pillow before heading to Babson College in Boston to study business. After a few years in Boston kitchens, he returned home to open a restaurant. But the math didn’t work. “The traditional model just didn’t feel financially sustainable,” he said. “So, I took a step back and asked, ‘If that doesn’t work, then what does?’”
The answer became After Hours. Rather than investing in a single location, Kelly partners with various venues and brings the restaurant experience to them. He uses the commercial kitchen at The Thornewood, a former inn turned workforce housing in Great Barrington. “They didn’t really have much use for the commercial kitchen, and I happened to connect with them when they acquired the property. We were actually the first tenant in the building,” said Kelly. Events are usually family-style and rooted in seasonal, local ingredients, sourced from local farms whenever possible including Dancing Greens, Indian Line, Off The Shelf and North Plain.
Since launching in December 2023, After Hours has hosted more than 150 events and partnered with nearly 100 local businesses including Wards Nursery in Great Barrington, Paige’s Place in Otis, Massachusetts, The Berkshire Botanical Garden, and coming up is a summer residency at The White Hart in Salisbury. From multi-course dinners to casual market pop-ups, its model adapts to the space, the moment, and the ingredients. “We design menus based on the venue,” said Kelly. “Whatever the kitchen allows, we make it work.”
Looking for partnerships that are mutually beneficial adds to the community-oriented business model. “Something we always look to curate with events and event partners is finding ways to mutually collaborate on marketing. So, Wards is a great example where they’re really looking to tap into a younger demographic and that’s something we’re able to really bring to the table.”
Now, Kelly is extending the model with a new initiative called The After Hours Supper Club. A subscription-based model, members will receive monthly meals for two or four with seasonally inspired mains, small plates, desserts, and extras. A portion of the proceeds supports Berkshire Bounty, a nonprofit fighting local food insecurity.
The Supper Club is not Kelly’s first collaboration with Berkshire Bounty. Last Thanksgiving, he launched a “buy one, give one” meal kit where one purchased meal equaled one donated to a local family. “Berkshire Bounty is so grateful for the continued support from Kevin and After Hours. Through Kevin’s creativity and care, together we are making an impact on food security in this community and providing nourishing food for the most vulnerable among us,” said Morgan Ovitsky, Executive Director of Berkshire Bounty.The subscription model allows After Hours to extend its reach into homes across the region. “We’ve had strong early interest,” said Kelly. “We’re fulfilling our first orders in June.”
Staffing such a fluid operation is a challenge. To address this, Kelly also created After Hours Gigs, a flexible labor system where people can sign up for one-off shifts. “Most people around here have three or four jobs,” he said. “This lets them pick up a gig with low commitment.” About 15 to 20 people work regularly through the system, but Kelly is often still scrambling to fill roles on busy weekends. With five events in just four days on the calendar, Kelly keeps moving. “It’s a lot,” he said. “But you just do it. One event at a time.”
There is a distinctly anti-macho ethos to his kitchens. “I was exposed to that cutthroat, ‘Yes, chef’ culture. It’s not for me. I don’t want anyone apologizing for who they are or what they love.” When someone asks what to wear to a gig, his response is simple. “Be comfortable. Be presentable. Be yourself.”
What Kelly has built with After Hours is less a brand than a belief that food should be personal, shared, grounded in place and people. So, what’s the most delicious thing he’s made recently? “A white pizza with ramp pesto,” he told me, eyes lighting up. “We’ve started doing Sicilian slices at the farmer’s market. Breakfast pizzas are next.”
For more information, visit: www.afterhoursgb.com
Dee Salomon on what makes a garden a garden.
On June 20 and 21, the Cornwall Library will celebrate its 10th anniversary of Books & Blooms, the two-day celebration of gardens, art, and the rural beauty of Cornwall. This beloved annual benefit features a talk, reception, art exhibit, and self-guided tours of four extraordinary local gardens.
The first Library sponsored garden tour was in June 2010 and featured a talk by Page Dickey, an avid gardener and author. This year’s Books & Blooms will coincide with Ellen Moon’s exhibit “Thinking About Gardens,” a collection of watercolors capturing the quiet spirit of Cornwall’s private gardens. Moon, a weekly storyteller to the first grade at Cornwall Consolidated School and art curator for The Cornwall Library, paints en plein air. Her work investigates what constitutes a garden. In the description of the show, she writes: “there are many sorts...formal, botanical, cottage, vegetable, herb...even a path through the woods is a kind of garden. My current working definition of a garden is a human intervention in the landscape to enhance human appreciation of the landscape.” Also on display are two of her hand-embroidered jackets. One depicts spring’s flowering trees and pollinators. The other, a kimono, was inspired by Yeats’s “The Song of the Wandering Aengus.”
On Friday, June 20 at 5:30 p.m. writer and garden philosopher Dee Salomon will give a talk titled, “What Makes a Garden a Garden?” at Cornwall Town Hall. Beloved for her “Ungardener” column here in our newspapers, Salomon will reflect on the meaning of gardens and their place in the human imagination. The presentation is followed by a festive cocktail reception at the library, with live music by the Crownback Funk Trio, an improvisational blend of funk, blues, and jazz.
Then on Saturday, participants can enjoy self-guided tours of four distinctive Cornwall gardens, each with docents on hand to answer questions. From a terraced Italianate hillside overlooking the Housatonic River to a wild deer-frequented garden brimming with perennials and daffodils, these gardens tell stories of transformation, imagination, and place.
Books & Blooms is a reflection of the Cornwall Library’s vital role in town. “The library really is the central meeting place,” said event organizer Kirk Van Tassel. “People come here for talks, kids’ programs, art exhibits. It’s a cornerstone of community life.”
To purchase tickets, visit cornwalllibrary.org
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