Schlock and Awful: winter edition

A scene from “Exterminators of the Year 3000”
Courtesy IMDB.COM
A scene from “Exterminators of the Year 3000”
The Lakeville Journal’s Bad Cinema desk sincerely hopes everyone had something better to do last summer than sit inside and watch appallingly bad movies. Anything would do. Hiking. Antiquing. Going for coffee.
Even — and we realize this is strong stuff — writing poetry.
But now, winter is here. For those looking to while away the hours during the hibernation period, here are five more of the most spectacularly bad flicks currently available on streaming services such as Tubi, Freevee, and Sickee, not to mention Plex, Yecch and Blecch.
“Silent Madness” (1984): This ‘80s slasher was originally in 3D. Nobody cares but there it is. The best film ever shot in Nyack, New York, the cast includes some names regular people may have seen in normal movies. Loony bin in New Jersey lets psycho killer out by mistake, and psycho killer starts picking off sorority girls. Starts off nicely with death by vise grip, but then a whole lot of plot intervenes. Really bad mise-en-scene. As Jean-Luc Godard once said, “Le pfui.”
“Deliria” aka “Stage Fright” (1987): Italian slasher, in which the cast and crew of a play about a serial killer called the Night Owl are locked into the theater by the tyrannical director until they get the darn thing right. Well, the joke’s on Mr. Big Shot Director because local psycho Wallace is also in the theater, and he starts killing everybody. And he does this while dressed as a big owl. With plucky heroine and ambiguous ending.
“Truck Turner” (1974): Isaac Hayes is Truck Turner, bail bondsman and smooth lover, forced by circumstances beyond his control to clean up the streets and get his jailbird girlfriend a kitten. With gratuitous nekkidity and unironic fried chicken. The terrific soundtrack by Hayes adds a great deal, with toe-tapping, car-crashing numbers such as “Pursuit of the Pimpmobile,” “Hospital Shootout,” and “Drinking.”
“Exterminators of the Year 3000” (1983): Aka “Mildly Miffed Max,” this Road Warrior rip-off was made in Italy and Spain for about $11.87 (that’s $37.62 in today’s dollars). The big difference between this and the Mad Max films, besides talent, is in this one it’s water, not gasoline, that everybody’s after. There are a lot of cars crashing around and some weird dialogue that doesn’t make much sense and girls in leather pants which must have been really uncomfortable in the desert.
“Shrunken Heads” (1994): Here at The Lakeville Journal’s Bad Cinema desk, we like to save the worst for last. This flick, brought to you from the entire Elfman family, neatly and concisely explains why it’s never a good idea to get too close to your local voodoo practitioner. (A simple “Hello, how are you?” will suffice.) This incredibly strange film should have made “Eat Da Whizzo” a national catchphrase, but didn’t. With shrunken head sex, sort of, and righteous retribution against the bad guys. Highly recommended, especially if you’re in traction.
Habitat for Humanity assisted in the construction and sale of this house at 14 Rudd Pond Road for $392,000.
MILLERTON — Official Dutchess County property transfers for the four months ending in May are fascinating from the sale of the former Presbyterian Church on Main Street for $420,000 to the $300,000 sale of 8.3 acres of the historic Perotti farm for $300,000 where major barn restoration is now underway.
Actively listed properties at the end of July include 14 parcels of land ranging in price from $60,000 for a five-acre lot to six parcels over a million dollars. 15 single family homes are on the market including an $11,750,000 estate on Moadock Road and four village homes for under $500,000.
Residential
14 Rudd Pond Road — 3 bedroom/2 bath home on .64 acres sale recorded in March for $392,000 to Anthony M. Macagnone.
81 Rudd Pond Road — 3 bedroom/2 bath home on .45 acres recorded in April for $360,300 to Sara Whitney Laser.
926 Smithfield Road — Historic house and barns on 8.31 acres sale recorded in May for $300,000 to Colonial House & Barn LLC.
5408 Route 22 — 3 bedroom/2 bath home on 5.38 acres sale recorded in May for $465,000 to Erich McEnroe.
The former Presbyterian Church on Main Street in the Village of Millerton was purchased in May for $420,000 and then pained grey.Christine Bates
Commercial
1 Smith Court, Village of Millerton — Office building sale recorded in March for $825,000 to OneJohnStreet LLC.
58 Main Street, Village of Millerton — Sale of former church recorded in May for $420,000 to 58 Main Street LLC.
5546 Route 22 — Sale of former restaurant on 2 acres recorded in May for $70,000 to Haithem Oueslati Trustee.
Land
State Line Road (#789358) — Sale recorded of 20.82 acres of vacant residential land in March for $150,000 to Elliott Squared LLC.
148 Morse Hill — Sale recorded of 30.03 acres of vacant productive farm land in 5 parcels in March for $800,000 to Thorne Water LLC.
*Town of North East and Village of Millerton property transfers from March through May not previously reported as sales in The Millerton News are sourced from Dutchess County Real Property Office monthly reports for March through May. Details on property from Dutchess Parcel Access. Compiled by Christine Bates, Real Estate Advisor with William Pitt Sotheby’s International Realty, Licensed in Connecticut and New York.
MILLERTON — Heavy rain brought down trees on Park Avenue, South Center Street and Century Boulevard, causing blackouts across the village on Friday, July 25.
The Millerton Moviehouse cancelled film showings for the afternoon following the outages, as stated in a release sent out to Moviehouse supporters over email Friday afternoon.
Village Clerk Lisa Cope said the downed trees landed on power lines, causing localized blackouts for many village residents and businesses between 3 and 6 p.m. Friday evening.
Central Hudson crews cleared the trees and restored power to the village that evening.