Caring for the caregivers

The baby-boomers are aging. The bulk of the baby-boomers are reaching the point where they are officially “old.” And old people, elders, need help: sometimes just a little, sometimes a lot. And, boy, do they resent it. These are the people who raised families, built businesses, and ran the country. And now they need help with the most ordinary things. It is galling to discover that the latest technology is beyond you. It is infuriating to realize that you are no longer a competent driver. It is devastating to realize that you need a caretaker.

Caregivers aren’t saints or angels, they are people who have taken on a job most of us would rather not do — the job of caring for our elders. This job falls, almost exclusively, to women and immigrants. As with most fields dominated by women, these jobs are poorly paid, if they are paid at all.

Often the caregiver didn’t actually choose the job, but ended up with the responsibility after a game of hot potato where all other likely candidates have escaped and the elder in question refuses to leave their home.

As we age, we deteriorate both physically and mentally. Sad but true. Eventually our “senior moments” become dangerous. In the “Waltons” version of the past, the extended family would take turns keeping an eye on Grandma or Grandpa. That doesn’t work anymore, if it ever did. Now the extended family may be spread across the country and all of them work outside the home. Many people don’t have an extended family at all.

Love does not pay the rent or put groceries on the table. And minimum wage workers are not going to give the care our elders deserve.

I have known women who enjoyed caring for older people and would happily do the job if they could afford it. Our parents, our grandparents, deserve to be cared for by people who choose this work whether family member or not. But that is never going to happen until we recognize that it is a fulltime job that deserves respect and remuneration.

When are we going to face up to the fact that poor pay results in poor care.

Eldercare is a societal responsibility. Social Security is a good start, but too many people are left out of it. No credit is given for stay-at-home moms or dads who end up sandwiched between needy children and needy parents. No one pays the adult offspring who chooses to care for a struggling adult over their own career.

We need Social Security to provide reasonable stipends for family members who can’t work because their loved one needs full-time help. We need to pay our caretakers what they deserve, not what we can get away with. We need to give our seniors respect and forgive them their age-related lapses.

The only alternative to growing old is dying young. So think about the fact that you, too, will one day face these issues. We can come up with alternatives to the problem of people staying in their homes well past the point when it is safe or sensible if we try. We really need to try.

 

Lisa Wright divides her time between her home in Lakeville and Oblong Books in Millerton where she has worked for nearly 40 years. Email her at wrightales@gmail.com.

The views expressed here are not necessarily those of The Millerton News and The News does not support or oppose candidates for public office.

Latest News

The pig behind Millerton’s downtown farm-to-table restaurant

Willa the Pig lies on a bed of blankets and pillows in her home in Millerton.

Photo by Aly Morrissey

MILLERTON — Alanna Broesler didn’t always know she wanted a pet pig. But between watching the movie Babe on repeat as a child and working on a pig farm, the co-owner of Millerton’s farm-to-table restaurant Willa, joked, “there were signs.”

Willa is the restaurant’s namesake — a 130-pound house pig who loves smoothies, snuggling and sassing her family. She is a potbellied and Juliana cross with big spots and a big personality to match.

Keep ReadingShow less
‘Hidden Treasures of the Hudson Valley:’ North East Historical Society Hosts Annual Meeting

Anthony Musso discusses his book “Hidden Treasures of the Hudson Valley” at the North East Historical Society’s annual meeting on Saturday, Nov. 15. The book centers on historical sites across the region with rich backgrounds and low ticket-prices for maximum accessbility.

Photo by Aly Morrissey

MILLERTON — With his signature Brooklyn accent, sense of humor and wealth of knowledge, author and historian Anthony “Tony” Musso brought American Revolution history to life at the NorthEast-Millerton Library Annex in partnership with the North East Historical Society.

The talk marked Musso’s first speaking engagement at the Annex and coincided with the historical society’s annual meeting.

Keep ReadingShow less
Students curate Katro Storm portraits at HVRHS

“Once Upon a Time in America” features ten portraits by artist Katro Storm.

Natalia Zukerman

The Kearcher-Monsell Gallery at Housatonic Valley Regional High School in Falls Village is once again host to a wonderful student-curated exhibition. “Once Upon a Time in America,” ten portraits by New Haven artist Katro Storm, opened on Nov. 20 and will run through the end of the year.

“This is our first show of the year,” said senior student Alex Wilbur, the current head intern who oversees the student-run gallery. “I inherited the position last year from Elinor Wolgemuth. It’s been really amazing to take charge and see this through.”

Keep ReadingShow less
Mini horses, big impact: animal learning center opens in Sheffield

Le Petit Ranch offers animal-assisted therapy and learning programs for children and seniors in Sheffield.

Marjorie Borreda

Le Petit Ranch, a nonprofit offering animal-assisted therapy and learning programs, opened in April at 147 Bears Den Road in Sheffield. Founded by Marjorie Borreda, the center provides programs for children, families and seniors using miniature horses, rescued greyhounds, guinea pigs and chickens.

Borreda, who moved to Sheffield with her husband, Mitch Moulton, and their two children to be closer to his family, has transformed her longtime love of animals into her career. She completed certifications in animal-assisted therapy and coaching in 2023, along with coursework in psychiatry, psychology, literacy and veterinary skills.

Keep ReadingShow less