Carol Kastendieck

SALISBURY, Conn.- — Carol Kastendieck was born April 10, 1945 in Brooklyn, New York. She died on Sept. 19, 2025, in Salisbury, Connecticut. She was the eldest child and only daughter of Miles and Clementine Kastendieck, older sister to her brothers Jon and Richard, and beloved friend and mentor to countless others.

Carol graduated high school from Packard Institute in Brooklyn, earned her BA at Indiana University and her MA at Carnegie Mellon. She had initially trained in classical dance, performing with the Metropolitan Opera ballet. However, during college she discovered a passion for the theater and would go on to have a rich and engaging career as a director for theater, opera and musical theater.

She directed and choreographed over 150 productions nationally, despite the challenges of being a woman in a profession dominated by men. Notably, she collaborated with her mentor, director John Houseman, and directed Rock Hudson in “John Brown’s Body” in Los Angeles.

Carol’s preferred playwright was Shakespeare and she was known to quote much of his work from memory. Toward the end of her career, Carol focused on teaching and mentoring young actors, directors and filmmakers. She taught at Juilliard, Hofstra, Carnegie Mellon, the Riverside Shakespeare Company School, the American Academy of Dramatic Arts, and SUNY Purchase.

She ultimately retired from teaching to care for her aging parents, for whom she always expressed the deepest gratitude and with whom she remained until their final days.

She did not have children and never married, but had meaningful and life-long relationships with the friends and students she considered her adopted family. She was a faithful and beloved member of her community.

The Kastendieck summer residence was called The Mill, a historic 1744 grist mill they had renovated as a family when Carol was a child. After her mother’s death, she made Salisbury her home. She retained fond memories and a lasting connection with the place and people there.

Carol loved gardening, following in her mother’s footsteps, and drew inspiration from her gardener friends and the many adventures and conversations they shared. She devoted a great deal of time and care to her own garden. She considered it her greatest creative opus and experienced it as a living ecosystem of sentient beings.

Her creativity also manifested itself in whimsical sculptures and dramatic flower arrangements. She was a fan of tag sales and always wore delightful accessories and gave unusual gifts. She loved going to the theater or to the movies with friends, especially leading up to the Oscars. She also enjoyed throwing intimate dinner parties and having friends over for tea.

Carol was a breast cancer survivor and faced increasingly challenging health issues, but rarely allowed these to impede her vision. In recent years, she made a practice of sending daily poems and inspirational messages.

Those who knew Carol Kastendieck describe her as a force of nature, with strong opinions and passionate devotion to environmental causes. She loved life and had an adventurous and joyful spirit. She was equal parts curiosity and determination, courage and delight.

She is survived by her brother Jon, her nieces and nephews and grand nieces and nephews, her family of friends, and her beloved cat.

Memorial Service details pending.

The Guest House
by Jalal al-Din Rumi

This being human is a guest house. Every morning a new arrival.

A joy, a depression, a meanness, some momentary awareness comes as an unexpected visitor.

Welcome and entertain them all! Even if they’re a crowd of sorrows, who violently sweep your house empty of its furniture, still, treat each guest honorably. He may be clearing you out for some new delight.

The dark thought, the shame, the malice, meet them at the door laughing, and invite them in.

Be grateful for whoever comes, because each has been sent as a guide from beyond.

Taken from SELECTED POEMS by Rumi, Translated by Coleman Barks (Penguin Classics, 2004).