Mutts and outcasts

Some unkind if accurate person, I don’t remember who at the moment, labeled America as a “country of mutts and outcasts.” If that is so, then I reply, “Arf Arf. That’s why I root for the “underdog.”

Since baseball is America’s game, and America is made up of you know what, guess where that leaves our national sport? Yep, full of stands rooting for the underdog, and the Mets, perennial underdogs that they are, gave us a beauty in their last few games.

Step up to the plate, if you will, Patrick Mazeika, he of the walk-off fielder’s choice and nominee for the worst beard of the 2021 season.

Mazeika had every right, evidently, of thinking that he was going to be a lifetime minor leaguer, but he was called up to the big club after it had suffered a rash of injuries. So when does he get his big chance? With a game on the line, of course. Does he come through with a spectacular home run? Well, not exactly, but close enough for entry into the Mutt’s Club of which I count myself as a charter member.

So how does a mutt win a game in extra innings? He comes up as a pinch hitter, takes a major league swat at a ball, manages to hit about a millimeter of it, and dribbles it down about 10 feet in front of home plate looking for all the world as a squeeze bunt meant to drive in the winning run.

Since the bases were loaded, that is exactly what he does, so our man of the hour manages to score his first Run Batted In on a fielder’s choice, meaning that he isn’t credited with a hit.

Next game up, he walks with the bases loaded, forcing in a run but getting another RBI without so much as putting bat to ball. Third time up, he repeats his first at bat, winning another game, chalking up another RBI, and still remaining hitless for the season: 0 for 3 with 3 RBI. Now that is the way a mutt does it!

The Mets have instituted one of the odder rituals for a walk off win; they gather around the hero and pull off his jersey. The purpose of this celebration, beyond demonstrating that the closest a baseball player comes to having a six pack is when he walks out of the corner grocery store, is hard to discern; but our local hero has now been disrobed twice, surely a record for a rookie.

So our mutt of the moment is setting all kinds of baseball records, including having the scariest beard in baseball east of Justin Turner of the Dodgers. I consider myself something of a beard expert, having worn one for over five decades; and if Mr. Mazeika wishes a consult, my rates are very reasonable.

Until we meet in the bleachers, I guess he will have to be content with my nomination of him for “Mutt of the Month.” Congratulations indeed!

Millerton  resident Theodore Kneeland (whom we can now safely reveal is sometimes referred to by his nom de plume of “Millerton Muttonchops”), is a former teacher and coach — and athlete.