Managing holiday stress

The holidays are a source of joy for some, and challenge for others.
For many of us, the holidays are simultaneously filled with the promise of making new memories, and rife with recollections of the past. The emotional and physical energies often expended during this season can leave us exhausted. Top stressors reported by people are: financial, travel, hosting, overloaded or empty schedules, grief and loss, and strained relationships.
Challenges
Feelings: In managing holiday stress, the first thing that mental health providers recommend is to acknowledge feelings. Any and all of our feelings are acceptable, both positive and negative.
Allow the negative feelings to pass when ready, and notice the positive ones with appreciation.
Grief and loss: A sense of loss can stem from many reasons. For some it might be the first holiday after the death of a loved one. For others, divorce can cause transition stress in addition to new and positive experiences and relationships. Perhaps some are struggling with health challenges.
Others are finding it hard to celebrate when larger world conflict and loss is happening.
Financial stress: With many people facing economic challenges, the pressure to buy gifts or produce elaborate meals can seem daunting. Media advertising and marketing content is not always helpful. Town food banks and agencies can be helpful with assistance. In some areas like the Northwest Corner, towns have social workers to help connect people with services. For people of all socioeconomic, groups it might be important to reframe the holidays as a time to connect with others versus overspending.
Relationships: Strained relationships can be a source of pain during the holiday season.
Although it might be tempting for some to air grievances or resolve conflict, it is likely better to put these types of agendas aside during this time. Focusing on positive qualities in one’s self and others has better outcomes and produces a sense of grace/acceptance.
Overload and isolation: For some, it might be tempting to overfill their holiday calenders with events and travel, which can often lead to burnout. For others, the impulse might be the opposite, and can create loneliness. The ideal is to strive toward balance.
Setting limits with “no” to an invite might be equally balancing as accepting an offer that could be nourishing. Self care means knowing when to look outward for connection and when to spend more quiet time with one’s self or an intimate few.
When this season becomes too busy, arranging for down or quiet time can help us to recharge. Stress-free, screen-free time can allow us to drop into our “rest and digest” parasympathetic nervous system, rejuvenating the body and brain.
Techniques
In coping with holiday stress, there are a variety techniques that have proven to be helpful. It can be challenging to regulate one’s emotions and behaviors during this time.
Mindfulness and meditation: Even brief mindfulness meditations with breathing can be helpful. The following link to a meditation on Insight Timer is an example of the many apps and forms of online support available, some of them free: insighttimer.com/terrijenkins/guided-meditations/holiday-de-stress-with-mindfulness-of-now.
Yoga might also be helpful, whether it be online or in person locally at a practice such as Be Well Community Yoga in North Canaan.
Lowered expectations: Lowering expectations of those around us, and of the holiday experience itself, is beneficial. None of us are going to be on our best behavior at all times. A forgiving sense of humor, different from sarcasm or barbed commentary, about one’s self and others can be fun and emotionally freeing.
Humor, as they say, “is often the best medicine.” When in doubt, “put on” comedy, whether it be through humorous personal recollections/observations or entertainment media.
Faith: Whether it be religious or spiritual, faith can provide a spiritual rudder when we are challenged and help us to navigate better choices once we are not “operating” from a place of fear.
Empathy and giving back: Often, we find meaning and healing in service to others. Helping a friend or neighbor, making a financial donation, or volunteering for a community agency are all powerful ways to make a positive impact. As we all know, the holidays can spark feelings of generosity.
Boundaries: In the rush to celebrate the season, we can all get overwhelmed by an innundation of invitations to create, donate and celebrate. Evaluating when to say yes and when to say no can be part of healthy self preservation.
Being mindful of our own and other people’s particular vulnerabilities, whether they be physical or emotional, is especially important during the holidays.
Perhaps seating, timing, location and other concerns need to be thought out the best we can in order to accommodate different personalities and generations. Thoughtful and active listening can be more rewarding than any heated debate or conflict that may come up.
In some settings there is an agreement to stay away from divisive topics during gatherings. Others may not want to take this more structured approach. In these cases, taking space for a time when needed and then rejoining activities might be helpful.
Self care: Self care can mean many things: sleep, exercise, fresh air and vitamin D.
Abstaining from or limiting alcohol, nicotine, caffeine and excess sugar intake can reduce stress and protect the immune system. Overall, balancing care of one’s self and others seems to be a key element in creating a positive holiday experience.
Isabelle Clark Foster and Margo Davis are licensed independent clinical social workers. Davis publishes at goingforwhole.substack.com and offers a free meditation group every Friday at 4:30 p.m. at the Bushnell-Sage Library in Sheffield, Massachusetts.
AMENIA — The first day of school on Thursday, Sept. 4, at Webutuck Elementary School went smoothly, with teachers enthusiastically greeting the eager young students disembarking from buses. Excitement was measurable, with only a few tears from parents, but school began anyway.
Ready for her first day of school on Thursday, Sept. 4, at Webutuck Elementary School, Liliana Cawley, 7, would soon join her second grade class, but first she posed for a photo to mark the occasion.Photo by Leila Hawken
The main entrance to Kent Hollow Mine at 341 South Amenia Road in Amenia.
AMENIA — Amenia residents and a Wassaic business have filed suit against the Town Board and Kent Hollow Inc., alleging a settlement between the town and the mine amounts to illegal contract zoning that allows the circumvention of environmental review.
Petitioners Laurence Levin, Theodore Schiffman and Clark Hill LLC filed the suit on Aug. 22. Town officials were served with documents for the case last week and took first steps in organizing a response to the suit at the Town Board meeting on Thursday, Sept. 4.
The lawsuit is the latest in a multi-year long legal battle surrounding the mine on South Amenia Road. After Kent Hollow Inc. — a subsidiary of Bethel, Connecticut, based homebuilder Steiner Inc. — applied for a state mining permit in 2017, the Amenia code enforcement officer issued the business a notice of violation.
At the time, Kent Hollow Inc. did not possess a special permit to conduct mining operations as required by Amenia zoning code, and the property did not reside in the Special Mining Overlay district established as part of rezoning efforts coinciding with the 2007 adoption of the town’s comprehensive plan.
Kent Hollow Inc. appealed the violation, claiming the use of the property as a mine predates amendments to town and state regulations. The Zoning Board of Appeals denied the appeal citing insufficient evidence in 2019. That spurred Kent Hollow to file two lawsuits — one in the New York State Supreme Court and a federal civil rights lawsuit — challenging the town’s order.
In July 2025, those lawsuits were brought to a close when the Town Board voted at a special meeting to accept a settlement agreement allowing Kent Hollow to continue mining operations under limited hours and quantities.
The most recent suit alleges the 2025 settlement amounts to contract zoning that allows Kent Hollow Inc. to skirt environmental review and the scrutiny of the permitting and rezoning process. Court documents allege Kent Hollow did not adequately prove a continuous, legal nonconforming use.
Supporting the argument, petitioners have submitted the court documents and decision from the 2019 New York Supreme Court case against the town Zoning Board of Appeals, and the documents from the preceding ZBA appeals process including receipts and tax returns from Kent Hollow Inc. purporting to establish the nonconforming use.
Kent Hollow Inc. formed as a subsidiary of housing developer Steiner Inc. and purchased the property in 1971, according to state and county real estate records.
Millerton News reporting from 1971 Amenia planning board meetings detail Kent Hollow’s pursuit of a four-section, 40-unit apartment complex on the property.
The News reported Kent Hollow was granted tentative approval on July 6, 1971, to build eight units on the site with the expectation that more would be built later.
The additional units never came to fruition and Kent Hollow apparently abandoned the housing project, opting to use the property as a gravel mine.
Attorneys for the Town of Amenia or Kent Hollow Inc. have not filed responses to the lawsuit as of press time.
AMENIA — While the courage and perseverance of Revolutionary era patriots is well understood and celebrated, the stories of the fate of British loyalists in New York are not as clear.
Seen as the initial event in observance of the 250th anniversary of the American Revolution, the Amenia Historical Society will present a talk titled, “The Plight of a Loyalist in Revolutionary New York,” examining the journal of Cadwallader Colden, Jr., spanning the period of 1777-1779. The speaker will be noted author, genealogist and historian Jay Campbell.
The talk is scheduled for Saturday, Sept. 27, at 2 p.m. at the Smithfield Presbyterian Church in Amenia. The handicapped-accessible church is located at 656 Smithfield Valley Road. Refreshments will be served.
Colden was the son of a New York Lieutenant Governor. He was a surveyor, farmer and mercantilist, serving as a judge in Ulster County. His fortunes changed dramatically with the dawn of the Revolutionary War when he remained loyal to the British Crown. His arrest came in 1776, just before the start of his journal.
Campbell is a historian specializing in Hudson Valley history, and the regional stories of Revolutionary era families.
Erin Rollins of Millbrook in the Fashion Feed booth, open year round, at the Millbrook Antiques Mall. All proceeds from Fashion Feeds go to the Food of Life Pantry. As an interior designer by trade, Rollins designed this booth to evoke a high-end department store to align with the designer brands she carries.
MILLERTON — The Townscape 50/50 raffle drawing has collected a pot of more than $7,000.
That raffle drawing will take place this Saturday at 2 p.m. in Veteran’s Park. The moment is not just about picking a winner, but also about reflecting on how far Townscape has come since its humble beginnings in 1998, when founder Catherine Fenn — alongside Renee Vollen and Jan Gilmor — first set out to beautify her beloved village.
Fenn’s connection to Millerton runs deep. “I moved here from the Bronx when I was eight years old and fell in love with the place, even as a child,” she recalled, remembering camping trips at Rudd Pond and enjoying the quiet pace of life.
At 15, her family relocated to southern Connecticut. “My dad didn’t think there was much here for us, so we moved. I left kicking and screaming, literally, and I said, ‘Someday I’m coming back.’”
Years later, after marrying, divorcing, and raising children, Fenn kept that promise. She returned to Millerton and married a childhood friend who was very involved in the fire department. After his passing, Fenn threw herself into her own way of giving back.
“I care about this village deeply. Townscape is my way of helping Millerton be the best it can be,” she said.
What began as an informal effort to gather volunteers and plant flowers eventually blossomed into something larger. “We started with flowers up and down Main Street — barrels of them everywhere. Then it grew into benches, tables, trees and even events. It was such a fun world, a really wonderful organization with so many people involved.”
Fenn’s service to the community extends beyond beautification. She spent roughly two decades on the Planning Board, served as Town Supervisor and worked with the county housing authority. Still, her passion for flowers, trees and landscapes has left the most visible mark on Millerton — shaping not only how the village looks, but how it feels.
In 2006, Townscape became a nonprofit organization. But beautification, Fenn admits, isn’t always the easiest cause to fund. “We’re just putting flowers out — and I shouldn’t say ‘just,’ because to me it’s really important. The trees, the benches, all of it matters. But it’s not high on most people’s list when they think about charitable donations. Still, people have been wonderfully generous over the years.”
This Saturday’s raffle drawing is one way neighbors can show their support. The winner does not have to be present to claim the prize, but those who stop by can enjoy cookies, lemonade and artwork by local creators on display in the park.