Schlock and Awful spring edition: Skin shows, taste goes

A scene from "Godmonster of Indian Flats."
cinepunx.com
A scene from "Godmonster of Indian Flats."
It’s been a long, boring winter. Thank goodness for the proliferation of free-with-ads streaming services that specialize in films so majestic and unforgettable that nobody bothered to renew the copyright.
Zombie Nightmare (1987): From the oeuvre of Canadian bodybuilder and hair metal musician Jon Mikl Thor, this tale of small town bigotry, casual misogyny and voodoo zombies lacks the critical component that makes or breaks the exploitation flick: gratuitous nekkidity. Not that any sentient being would want to see this cast, which includes Adam West, nekkid. But it’s the principle of the thing. You can do much better with…
Rock ‘n’ Roll Nightmare (also 1987): Thor’s showcase flick, starring his hair, his pecs, and his unconventional taste in underwear. Nekkidity abounds. In fact nekkidity drives the plot. With little foam rubber demons, one large economy-sized foam rubber demon, a foam rubber remake of the famous “busting out” scene in “Alien,” and an absolutely ear-shredding soundtrack by Thor and his band, the Tritonz.
Velvet Smooth (1976) is a poor man’s “Foxy Brown” and also the greatest (and only) film in the oeuvre of Emerson Boozer, the poor man’s Rosey Grier. Velvet Smooth (Johnnie Hill) is a private detective and when local kingpin King Lathrop starts having trouble with goons muscling in on his highly lucrative action (protection money from a dry cleaner, a shoeshine guy and a newsie), Velvet Smooth gets the call. Unconvincing kung fu, an illegal casino, cut-rate Diana Ross and the Supremes, and subtle visual commentary on why you don’t want to combine a zebra-striped couch with blonde wood paneling if you are a self-respecting kingpin.
The Happy Hooker Goes Hollywood (1980): The last of three Happy Hooker flicks, starring the immortal Martine Beswick as Xaveria Hollander, the Happy Hooker. Plus Adam West, Phil SIlvers, Chris Lemmon and Richard Deacon. It’s like a slightly raunchy episode of “The Love Boat,” minus the boat. Enough gratuitous nekkidity to advance the plot, which mercifully does not get in the way of the story. As dour Hollywood melodramas go, it’s no “Day of the Locust” or “What Makes Sammy Run,” but there are glimmers of actual human intelligence at work in a scene where the Happy Hooker takes on a snarky TV gossip show host.
In short, it’s almost not bad enough to make the S&A cut. Almost.
Of interest to the ovine community is the utterly baffling “Godmonster of Indian Flats” (1973). Sort of a Western, kinda sci-fi, and loaded with sheep, the movie lurches from setting to setting so abruptly the viewer may lose faith in the space-time continuum. But fear not, there is a giant mutant sheep to the rescue. Also some banjo players and a glad-hander named Elbow Johnson, who features early and then disappears completely. No nekkidity, which is a good thing. One of the bad guys looks a bit like Larry Bird but with more chin. Transfer station fans will enjoy this flick for the lengthy scenes featuring waste disposal. My goodness, how far we’ve come in that department. Baa.
Humble Acknowledgment Department: The Bad Cinema desk hereby admits to stealing the “plot gets in the way of the story” joke from Joe Bob Briggs, which isn’t even his real name. We also announce our plans to build a giant statue of Joe Bob Briggs in a spot where everyone can see it but nobody can do anything about it.
PINE PLAINS — The Pine Plains FFA Ag Fair brought a crowd to the high school on Church Street Saturday, Oct. 11.
Kicking off the day was the annual tractor pull, attracting a dedicated crowd that sat in bleachers and folding chairs for hours watching Allison-Chalmers, International Harvesters and John Deeres compete to pull the heaviest weights.
A large collection of food was on offer from the Pine Plains FFA and each one of the classes in the Pine Plains Central School District. The football team was selling pickles.
Stissing Mountain High School Principal Christopher Boyd enjoyed a dip in the dunk tank to raise money for the Pine Plains teachers’ union-sponsored scholarship.
Stissing Mountain High School Principal Christopher Boyd got dunked several times during his half-hour shift in the dunk tank. Proceeds from the throws benefitted the Photo by Nathan Miller
The Rev. AJ Stack, center right, blessing a chicken at the pet blessing event at St. Thomas Episcopal Church in Amenia on Saturday, Oct. 4.
AMENIA — After serving more than five years as Priest-in-Charge of St. Thomas Episcopal Church in Amenia, the Rev. AJ Stack announced Tuesday, Oct. 7, that he will resign from the church and Food of Life/Comida de Vida pantry. His last day at his current post will be Sunday, Nov. 2, the conclusion of the Feast of All Saints.
The news was shared in two emails from Stack — one to Food of Life pantry subscribers and volunteers, and another to parish members.
“I write tonight with difficult news, and I wanted you to hear it from me as soon as the Vestry and I had a chance to meet,” he wrote. “After much prayer and careful discernment, I have submitted my resignation to the Vestry as Priest-in-Charge of St. Thomas, and therefore as Executive Director of Food of Life/Comida de Vida.”
Stack provided few details about his departure. At time of publication, he had not announced his next steps but said the decision was “not sudden,” and followed careful consideration over a period of months. He will not be leaving the area or the diocese.
An announcement about his path forward and the transition process is expected soon. In the meantime, Stack said he remains “fully present” at the church, and the food pantry services will continue without interruption.
Stack expressed gratitude for the community and the growth of St. Thomas’ mission during his tenure. “Together we have welcomed new neighbors and strengthened our outreach in meaningful ways,” he said. “I trust that good work will continue.”
He joined St. Thomas in March 2020 and guided the church and community through the challenges of the COVID-19 pandemic. In a recent interview with The News about the food pantry, Stack estimated that it serves 653 individuals from 156 households each week, highlighting a significant contribution to the community.
The announcement was met with messages of reassurance from pantry volunteers. Jolly Stewart, a Vestry member and volunteer, wrote to the community with words of reassurance following the announcement. “I have complete faith in the strength of the parish of St. Thomas,” she wrote. “Our history shows how we have done this time and again, each time becoming more than what we were before. We can, without a doubt, do this now.”
MILLERTON — Ten candidates for office in the Nov. 4 election will answer questions from Dutchess County voters at a candidate forum on Friday, Oct. 24, at the Annex at the NorthEast-Millerton Library located at 28 Century Blvd.
The forum, which is sponsored by the library, will be held from 6 to 7:30 p.m.
Candidates for local and county offices will answer questions from residents in attendance or from residents who have submitted questions in advance.
“We’re excited to keep the tradition of the candidate forum going,” said Rhiannon Leo-Jameson, director of the library. “Some years we can’t always get candidates together.”
This year’s forum will include:
Rachele Grieco Cole, a Democrat, and Chris Mayville, a Republican, who both are running uncontested for the North East Town Council;
Casey McCabe, a Democrat, also running uncontested for North East Justice.
Among Dutchess County races:
Tracy MacKenzie, who is endorsed by Republicans and Democrats, is running uncontested for Dutchess County Family Court Judge;
Kara Gerry, a Democrat, and Ned McLoughlin, a Republican, are in a contest for a Dutchess County Court judgeship currently held by McLoughlin.
Chris Drago, D-19, and Tonya Pulver, a Republican, are competing to represent Dutchess County’s19th District seat currently held by Drago.
Democratic incumbent Dan Aymar-Blair and Will Truitt, the Republican chair of the county legislature, are competing for the Dutchess County Comptroller position currently held by Aymar-Blair.
Leo-Jameson is encouraging questions for the candidates to be submitted in advance, which will not be revealed to candidates beforehand. Dutchess County residents may pose questions during the forum. To submit a question on the library’s website, go to the calendar at nemillertonlibrary.org and find the link in the Oct. 24calendar entries.
The format calls for opening statements from the candidates, followed by questions from residents, and candidates will be able to stay after the forum to answer questions personally.
The residence at 35 Amenia Union Road in Sharon was damaged after being struck by the Jeep Grand Cherokee around 3 p.m. on Saturday, Oct. 11.
SHARON, Conn. — Emergency crews were called Saturday, Oct. 11, to Amenia Union Road in Sharon for a report of a vehicle into a building with entrapment.
Connecticut State Police reported Charles Teti, 62, was driving his Jeep Grand Cherokee northbound on Amenia Union Road when, for an unknown reason, the vehicle veered across the southbound land and exited the roadway where it struck a tree and home. Airbags deployed.
Teti and front seat passenger Aidan Cassidy, 63, sustained serious injuries. Teti was airlifted to Hartford Hospital and Cassidy was transported by ambulance to Sharon Hospital for treatment.
Back seat passenger Shea Cassidy-Teti, 17, sustained fatal injuries and was pronounced dead on scene. Cassidy-Teti was a senior at Kent School. He played on the football and tennis teams.
The residence that was struck is located at 35 Amenia Union Road.
The case remains under open investigation. Witnesses are asked to contact Trooper Lukas Gryniuk at Troop B 860-626-1821.