Schlock and Awful spring edition: Skin shows, taste goes

A scene from "Godmonster of Indian Flats."
cinepunx.com
A scene from "Godmonster of Indian Flats."
It’s been a long, boring winter. Thank goodness for the proliferation of free-with-ads streaming services that specialize in films so majestic and unforgettable that nobody bothered to renew the copyright.
Zombie Nightmare (1987): From the oeuvre of Canadian bodybuilder and hair metal musician Jon Mikl Thor, this tale of small town bigotry, casual misogyny and voodoo zombies lacks the critical component that makes or breaks the exploitation flick: gratuitous nekkidity. Not that any sentient being would want to see this cast, which includes Adam West, nekkid. But it’s the principle of the thing. You can do much better with…
Rock ‘n’ Roll Nightmare (also 1987): Thor’s showcase flick, starring his hair, his pecs, and his unconventional taste in underwear. Nekkidity abounds. In fact nekkidity drives the plot. With little foam rubber demons, one large economy-sized foam rubber demon, a foam rubber remake of the famous “busting out” scene in “Alien,” and an absolutely ear-shredding soundtrack by Thor and his band, the Tritonz.
Velvet Smooth (1976) is a poor man’s “Foxy Brown” and also the greatest (and only) film in the oeuvre of Emerson Boozer, the poor man’s Rosey Grier. Velvet Smooth (Johnnie Hill) is a private detective and when local kingpin King Lathrop starts having trouble with goons muscling in on his highly lucrative action (protection money from a dry cleaner, a shoeshine guy and a newsie), Velvet Smooth gets the call. Unconvincing kung fu, an illegal casino, cut-rate Diana Ross and the Supremes, and subtle visual commentary on why you don’t want to combine a zebra-striped couch with blonde wood paneling if you are a self-respecting kingpin.
The Happy Hooker Goes Hollywood (1980): The last of three Happy Hooker flicks, starring the immortal Martine Beswick as Xaveria Hollander, the Happy Hooker. Plus Adam West, Phil SIlvers, Chris Lemmon and Richard Deacon. It’s like a slightly raunchy episode of “The Love Boat,” minus the boat. Enough gratuitous nekkidity to advance the plot, which mercifully does not get in the way of the story. As dour Hollywood melodramas go, it’s no “Day of the Locust” or “What Makes Sammy Run,” but there are glimmers of actual human intelligence at work in a scene where the Happy Hooker takes on a snarky TV gossip show host.
In short, it’s almost not bad enough to make the S&A cut. Almost.
Of interest to the ovine community is the utterly baffling “Godmonster of Indian Flats” (1973). Sort of a Western, kinda sci-fi, and loaded with sheep, the movie lurches from setting to setting so abruptly the viewer may lose faith in the space-time continuum. But fear not, there is a giant mutant sheep to the rescue. Also some banjo players and a glad-hander named Elbow Johnson, who features early and then disappears completely. No nekkidity, which is a good thing. One of the bad guys looks a bit like Larry Bird but with more chin. Transfer station fans will enjoy this flick for the lengthy scenes featuring waste disposal. My goodness, how far we’ve come in that department. Baa.
Humble Acknowledgment Department: The Bad Cinema desk hereby admits to stealing the “plot gets in the way of the story” joke from Joe Bob Briggs, which isn’t even his real name. We also announce our plans to build a giant statue of Joe Bob Briggs in a spot where everyone can see it but nobody can do anything about it.
Amenia Town Hall on Route 22.
AMENIA — After gathering comments from the Planning Board and the Zoning Board of Appeals, as it considers adding alternate members to those boards, the Town Board discussed possible changes to local laws governing those boards at its meeting on Friday, Oct. 3. The meeting date, usually on a Thursday, had been changed to accommodate a holiday.
In recent weeks Town Board attorney Ian Lindars has been compiling comments from the affected boards along with comments from the Town Board. The new laws may bring the appointment of two alternate members to each board. Alternate members are likely to be required to attend all meetings and be prepared to be seated if needed and be familiar with the applications being discussed. They would also need to take training required of all board members.
Lindars will prepare a draft of the new local laws to be reviewed by the Town Board and the affected boards.
As the Town Board begins work on the town’s annual budget negotiation process and anticipating an increase in some budget lines to accommodate major projects, the board unanimously approved three resolutions. The first will override the tax levy limit imposed on municipalities by the state of New York, a limit generally tied to the rate of inflation.
A public hearing on the proposal to override the levy limit was set for Thursday, November 6, beginning at 7 p.m. at the Town Hall.
Smithfield Church
AMENIA — Fans of the smooth sounds and rhythms of Brazilian Jazz will enjoy “Rio Jazz: Intimate Brazilian Jazz,” a concert at The Smithfield Church on Saturday, Oct. 11, beginning at 3 p.m.
The concert is one of the acclaimed Bang Family Concerts, an ongoing series offering an eclectic range of performances by regional artists. The historic 19th-century church sanctuary offers perfect acoustics, thanks to its dimensions as a classic Greek square.
Assembled in 1988, Rio Jazz is led by Matt Finley, a pioneer in Brazilian jazz, who has brought together a combo of world-class performers for an hour of live music including a sampling of his own compositions. The Brazilian genre began in 1963, with the rise of the bossa nova and its growth in popularity in the U.S.
Members of the combo performing live are pianist Larry Ham, double bassist Lou Pappas, and drummer Jeff Siegel. Guitarist Jeff Ciampa from Orange County is playing for the Smithfield audience for the first time. And vocalist Denise Jordan Finley will join her husband in performing a collaborative composition.
The Smithfield Church is located at 656 Smithfield Valley Road in Amenia. A suggested donation of $20 will support future Bang Family concerts. A meet-the-artists reception will follow the concert. For more information, go to www.thesmithfieldchurch.org/concerts.
Flamenco music and dance thrilled the audience at the Bandshell during a performance by New Bojaira, performing a blend of jazz and flamenco. The Millbrook Arts Group sponsored the event on Saturday, Oct. 4.
The big question facing Congress is this: Can we afford space exploration? And the bigger question they are shying away from is: Can we afford not to expand publicly funded space exploration?
Part of the question comes down to ill-informed members of Congress who have not educated themselves on the past benefits — benefits for all walks of life — that have been generated by past space exploration. Like that computer, your cell phone, weather forecasting, CAT scans, 50% of modern medicines, and, never least, the very industrial manufacturing processes which are 100% dependent on inventions made in developing past space exploration – simply put, there is nothing in any part of your life – from your car, to the heating system in your house, to every second you watch on TV that have not been generated because of inventions – innovation – brought about by past space exploration.
Okay, got it? Now stop and ask yourself if we should fund further space exploration? The answer is, everything you thought as being set in stone, every part of your day to day life, will change once again. How much change? Just as the horse and buggy changed to the car, the dial-up phone changed to that cell phone in your pocket, the coming change is greater, more potent. That’s science and innovation, not political ignorance.
Now, there is a problem. The current Administration is cutting basic science and NASA funding. They prefer to allow the commercial industries to spend money and reap the rewards, not for the people, but for the captains of industry and Wall Street. Will that mean the change will not come? No, it’ll come, but the benefits will come in a commercial sense only. 60% of the cost of that cell phone in your pocket came from taxpayer investment, causing no commercial amortization. The next spin-off from space technology will be fully commercial and cost accordingly.
On top of which, this Administration is shifting funds from NASA’s budget to the Space Force… $1,000,000,000,000 (yes, one trillion) in 2026. And we all know that trickle-down technology from the military takes a decade longer to reach public benefit. Think I’m kidding? The carbon fiber technology for the B-2 bomber of the mid-80s has not yet been realized in commercial aircraft – which would allow 50% greater range per fuel load per flight, cutting your plane ticket cost in half.
Meanwhile, China is out-spending us on space exploration and development, consistently increasing their budget 10% a year and, yes, they might well arrive back on the moon first and reap known and unknown benefits before us. Some possible good news? NASA’s plans for a return to Moon, commercial or national, is a top priority for the Acting Administrator… “We can’t waste a day,” Acting NASA Administrator Sean Duffy said. Let’s see if Congress is listening.
Peter Riva, a former resident of Amenia Union, New York, now lives in Gila, New Mexico.