Schlock and Awful spring edition: Skin shows, taste goes

A scene from "Godmonster of Indian Flats."
cinepunx.com
A scene from "Godmonster of Indian Flats."
It’s been a long, boring winter. Thank goodness for the proliferation of free-with-ads streaming services that specialize in films so majestic and unforgettable that nobody bothered to renew the copyright.
Zombie Nightmare (1987): From the oeuvre of Canadian bodybuilder and hair metal musician Jon Mikl Thor, this tale of small town bigotry, casual misogyny and voodoo zombies lacks the critical component that makes or breaks the exploitation flick: gratuitous nekkidity. Not that any sentient being would want to see this cast, which includes Adam West, nekkid. But it’s the principle of the thing. You can do much better with…
Rock ‘n’ Roll Nightmare (also 1987): Thor’s showcase flick, starring his hair, his pecs, and his unconventional taste in underwear. Nekkidity abounds. In fact nekkidity drives the plot. With little foam rubber demons, one large economy-sized foam rubber demon, a foam rubber remake of the famous “busting out” scene in “Alien,” and an absolutely ear-shredding soundtrack by Thor and his band, the Tritonz.
Velvet Smooth (1976) is a poor man’s “Foxy Brown” and also the greatest (and only) film in the oeuvre of Emerson Boozer, the poor man’s Rosey Grier. Velvet Smooth (Johnnie Hill) is a private detective and when local kingpin King Lathrop starts having trouble with goons muscling in on his highly lucrative action (protection money from a dry cleaner, a shoeshine guy and a newsie), Velvet Smooth gets the call. Unconvincing kung fu, an illegal casino, cut-rate Diana Ross and the Supremes, and subtle visual commentary on why you don’t want to combine a zebra-striped couch with blonde wood paneling if you are a self-respecting kingpin.
The Happy Hooker Goes Hollywood (1980): The last of three Happy Hooker flicks, starring the immortal Martine Beswick as Xaveria Hollander, the Happy Hooker. Plus Adam West, Phil SIlvers, Chris Lemmon and Richard Deacon. It’s like a slightly raunchy episode of “The Love Boat,” minus the boat. Enough gratuitous nekkidity to advance the plot, which mercifully does not get in the way of the story. As dour Hollywood melodramas go, it’s no “Day of the Locust” or “What Makes Sammy Run,” but there are glimmers of actual human intelligence at work in a scene where the Happy Hooker takes on a snarky TV gossip show host.
In short, it’s almost not bad enough to make the S&A cut. Almost.
Of interest to the ovine community is the utterly baffling “Godmonster of Indian Flats” (1973). Sort of a Western, kinda sci-fi, and loaded with sheep, the movie lurches from setting to setting so abruptly the viewer may lose faith in the space-time continuum. But fear not, there is a giant mutant sheep to the rescue. Also some banjo players and a glad-hander named Elbow Johnson, who features early and then disappears completely. No nekkidity, which is a good thing. One of the bad guys looks a bit like Larry Bird but with more chin. Transfer station fans will enjoy this flick for the lengthy scenes featuring waste disposal. My goodness, how far we’ve come in that department. Baa.
Humble Acknowledgment Department: The Bad Cinema desk hereby admits to stealing the “plot gets in the way of the story” joke from Joe Bob Briggs, which isn’t even his real name. We also announce our plans to build a giant statue of Joe Bob Briggs in a spot where everyone can see it but nobody can do anything about it.
AMENIA — The first day of school on Thursday, Sept. 4, at Webutuck Elementary School went smoothly, with teachers enthusiastically greeting the eager young students disembarking from buses. Excitement was measurable, with only a few tears from parents, but school began anyway.
Ready for her first day of school on Thursday, Sept. 4, at Webutuck Elementary School, Liliana Cawley, 7, would soon join her second grade class, but first she posed for a photo to mark the occasion.Photo by Leila Hawken
Demitasse owner Hayden McIntosh Geer said she is excited by the shift to online sales.
MILLERTON — Some might have argued that launching an in-person retail business during the height of the COVID-19 pandemic wasn’t advisable. But against all odds, Demitasse in Millerton managed not only to build a thriving, mission-based brand in a small storefront on Main Street, it developed a loyal customer base and provided a welcoming space for visitors. Last week, Demitasse announced it is closing-up shop and moving fully online.
“We are excited,” said owner Hayden McIntosh Geer, who opened Demitasse with her husband, Richard, in 2020. “Though we will miss our customers and the camaraderie on Main Street, it feels right and there was no second guessing.”
The building that houses Demitasse and neighboring Candy-O’s is on the market, leaving the future uncertain. Geer said she and Richard will continue supporting their favorite Millerton spots, now with more time to enjoy local businesses and neighbors.
Known for its carefully selected gifts and home goods, Demitasse has received frequent praise for its curation. Yet Geer is quick to deflect. “I didn’t know I was creative until I opened the store,” she joked. “When anyone talks about the curation I just point to the makers. They are the ones who create the beautiful items that hold purpose and intention. That’s what made our place special.”
The decision to open a gift shop was never part of a master plan, Geer said. “We found our way as we went along and it happened very organically.” But from day one, she knew she wanted to support marginalized artists and makers.
Demitasse owner Hayden McIntosh Geer, right, and her husband, Richard, sitting on the bench in front of the Main Street storefront. Photo by Jessica Yurko
For example, Sidai Designs, which makes beaded jewelry in Africa, provides work for 120 Maasai women and helps support their communities. Maison d’Haiti, which produces handcrafted goods in Haiti, employs nearly 100 women at fair-trade wages, giving them a reliable income through sales in the U.S. and Haiti.
One of the highlights of having a storefront — and a true testament to what she and her husband had created — came when the editor of a major culture and lifestyle magazine told Geer how much she loved shopping at Demitasse for its quality and mission-driven products.
“I could have quit right there,” Geer joked, reflecting on the highs and lows of the last five years.
Just as thoughtfully as the products were curated, every element of the store reflected care and craftsmanship. Hayden and Richard incorporated their tastes and skills into every nook and cranny, including shelving made from reclaimed wood from their home. Some of those shelves now have a new life at The Beehive, a boutique in Mount Kisco, New York.
Today, their digital shelves continue to highlight a diverse range of makers, with biographical details available on each product listing. The website carries the same aesthetic found in-store, maintaining the mission to support LGBTQ+ makers, environmentally friendly products, and Black- and women-owned businesses.
Looking ahead, Geer says, “We want people to know that if they enjoyed shopping in our store, they’ll love our website.” Shoppers can still expect beautiful gift wrapping and flexible exchange policies, and Geer is offering personal deliveries within driving distance on a limited basis.
Above all, Geer says her heart is full of gratitude for her customers. “They came in, shared life stories and became friends. We love Millerton, and I hope people will remain in touch.”
Millerton Police Chief Joseph Olenik shows off the new gear. Brand new police cruisers arrived last week.
MILLERTON — The Millerton Police Department has received two new patrol cars to replace vehicles destroyed in the February 2025 fire at the Village Water and Highway Department.
The new Ford Interceptors are custom-built for law enforcement. “They’re more rugged than a Ford Explorer,” said Millerton Police Chief Joseph Olenik, noting the all-wheel drive, heavy-duty suspension and larger tires and engine. “They call it the ‘Police Package.’”
Olenik worked with The Cruiser’s Division in Mamaroneck, New York, to design the vehicles.
“We really want to thank the Pine Plains Police Department for their tremendous support,” Olenik said. After the fire, “they were the first ones to come forward and offer help.”
The new police cruisers are outfitted with lights with automatically adjusting brightness to best perform in ambient conditions.Photo by Aly Morrissey
Since February, Millerton officers have been borrowing a patrol car from Pine Plains. With the new vehicles now in service, Olenik said he plans to thank Pine Plains officers by treating them to dinner at Four Brothers in Amenia and having their car detailed
Erin Rollins of Millbrook in the Fashion Feed booth, open year round, at the Millbrook Antiques Mall. All proceeds from Fashion Feeds go to the Food of Life Pantry.
MILLBROOK – In a time when optimism and unity can feel elusive, sometimes a walk down Franklin Avenue is enough to feed the soul. With Millbrook Community Day just around the corner, one highlight will be Fashion Feeds, a community effort led by Millbrook native Erin Rollins, whose mission is to fight local hunger.
The concept is simple. People donate new or gently used designer fashion, which is sold at affordable prices, and all proceeds benefit The Food of Life/Comida de Vida Pantry at St. Thomas Episcopal Church in Amenia.
Since hosting her first charitable clothing swap 12 years ago, Rollins has raised nearly $100,000 for the pantry. She expects to hit six figures this month.
“Food insecurity is a real issue, and when I’m able to walk into the church and hand over money to a need that is so significant, it fills my cup,” Rollins said.
Fashion Feeds plays a vital role in sustaining the pantry, which serves 653 individuals from 156 households each week. Rev. AJ Stack, priest-in-charge at St. Thomas Episcopal Church and executive director of the Food of Life Pantry, said Fashion Feeds has become one of the pantry’s most successful fundraisers. “With the rising costs of food, housing, healthcare, and transportation, food pantries have become essential for families’ survival,” Stack said.
Fashion Feeds clothing is available year-round at the Millbrook Antiques Mall, but the annual pop-up will take place during Community Day. This year’s sale runs Sept. 18-20, featuring racks of one-of-a-kind finds on the patio and inside Corcoran Country Living from 9 a.m. to 5 p.m. Friday and Saturday.
New this year is a $25 pre-sale Sip & Shop, which includes a glass of prosecco or sparkling water and early access before doors officially open Friday morning.
From J.Crew to Giorgio Armani, shoppers can find designer clothing and accessories at unbeatable prices — from $5 to the thousands — with every dollar going to local families.
An interior designer by trade, Rollins backs up her artistic eye with research to ensure garments and accessories are priced to sell, while also respecting the value of each donation.
“It’s time-consuming,” Rollins said. “But you want to make sure you’re valuing everything that’s donated to you.”
After becoming empty nesters in 2013 and selling their Millbrook landscaping and garden center business, Rollins and her husband were ready to start a new chapter. Rollins found inspiration after attending a clothing swap in Rhinebeck.
“On the way home, I thought, ‘I can do that,’ so I planned my own event that fall and had my friends donate their clothes,” she recalled, laughing about how she made soup for more than 30 women.
While soup is no longer served, the warmth of community continues to fuel the mission.
Millbrook Antiques Mall donates a year-round booth to Fashion Feeds, allowing all profits to go directly to the pantry. When donations outgrew Rollins’ basement, Global Self Storage offered a free unit to hold garment racks — donated by J.McLaughlin — and boxes of designer items. Corcoran Country Living also provides space during Community Day for the annual sale.
“It’s a true community effort in support of our neighbors,” Rollins said.
Beyond feeding families in eastern Dutchess County, Fashion Feeds also aims to address climate change and reduce pollution by promoting secondhand shopping. “Fast fashion is the second biggest polluter in the world, and by donating or purchasing vintage clothing, we’re preventing items from entering the waste stream,” Rollins said.
Though she has stitched Fashion Feeds from the ground up, Rollins prefers to stay out of the spotlight. Lakeville resident Susan Simmons discovered Fashion Feeds last year and was inspired by the mission. She now helps amplify Rollins’ work.
“She is an unsung hero because she does it all herself,” Simmons said, who is helping organize the Thursday Sip & Shop event. “It’s incredible what she quietly does for members of our community.”
Shoppers can support the cause by purchasing items from Fashion Feeds. Accepted payment methods are cash, check or credit card through Zeffy, a platform designed for charitable organizations.