Millerton native Vemilo reflects on a unique life of authenticity

MILLERTON — Vemilo walks into Irving Farm wearing a chic blazer over his shoulders, a red fedora, and his own signature scent called Vetreus, a woodsy blend that carries the air of high-end fashion.

A regular at the coffee shop, the baristas already know his order — lavender vanilla chai in his own mug. The order suits him. Everything about Vemilo is curated, intentional and unapologetically him.

“Being a young, Black, gay man in a small, white town, people often mistake me for being from the city, but I was born and raised here,” he said proudly. On Main Street, there’s no mistaking him. Vemilo’s runway-ready style makes him look as though he’s stepped straight out of Vogue or Rolling Stone.

Often clad in a long wig and high heels, Vemilo continually fields questions about gender. “I don’t identify as a trans woman, and I don’t want to be a woman, but I have this feminine energy that I’ve always wanted to nurture,” he said.

Vemilo’s grandmother Mary, who passed away one year ago, provided a safe space in which he could grow up, explore his identity and lead with what felt right — not what societal norms told him was appropriate. He credits his grandmother with helping him develop what would become a lifelong interest in fashion, music and performance art.

“She always made me put my pain into something creative,” he said, showing a ring bearing the letter “M,” joking that because she was allergic to jewelry he wears enough for the both of them.

This safe space allowed Vemilo to wrestle with questions about who he was and who he wanted to become. He reflected, “I always think about my younger self and how proud he would be.”

Vemilo traces his confidence back to childhood, when his grandmother filled his world with coloring books and Barbies, an early invitation to let creativity lead.

“I used to put on full performances in her living room, pretending I was on tour,” he laughs. “In my mind, I was in Argentina or Australia, doing an hour-and-forty-minute set with outfit changes, like I was in front of 100,000 people.”

The fake it ’til you make it mentality paid off. Today, Vemilo has performed for audiences of all sizes, from intimate private parties to established venues, energizing crowds and getting people on their feet.

For him, success isn’t measured by numbers but by connection. If he’s made people feel something, he’s done his job. At the end of each show, he wants everyone to walk away loving themselves a little more.

“I’m grateful I knew who I was at such a young age,” he said. “Now I want to pay it forward and help others find the confidence to be themselves.”

At times, Vemilo said he feels something that resembles survivor’s guilt. “I am able to walk down these Millererton streets in any heel height, wearing any garment, and feel loved, respected and taken care of in a way that not everyone is fortunate enough to have,” he said in between sips of chai.

He said his heart breaks for the countless people who lose their lives or get bullied for being different, and he counts his blessings that he has never encountered a hate crime or been judged by what he describes as a “very welcoming and supportive community.”

When it comes to personality, Vemilo never had a lightbulb moment. Backed by recent conversations with his preschool classmates, Vemilo said he always marched to the beat of his own drummer, though it never occurred to him as a child that he was different.

“I am myself. I just don’t know how not to be,” Vemilo said, adding, “I really feel for people who have to put on a mask.”

Now in his seventh year at The Watershed Center, a Millerton-based retreat and resource hub, Vemilo has found a role he loves that blends community engagement with creative practice. Most recently, he designed a musical experience for participants undergoing a self-healing journey. He admits that parts of the performance feel almost like teaching, a skill he has developed with age.

This year also marks a decade of his craft. If playing an original song over his high school loudspeaker for a boy he liked doesn’t count, Vemilo’s first true public performance was at a North East Community Center event ten years ago. Laughing at the high school memory, he said, “I had a lot of nerve back then! I still do now, but it’s more precise and more organized.” Vemilo takes pride in the many seasons of growth, both in life and in artistry, that have brought him to this moment.

Vemilo will be performing at the third annual Farm Block Party, presented by Rock Steady Farm and Catalyst Collaborative Farm in partnership with The Watershed Center, WILDSEED Community Farm & Healing Village, and Seasoned Delicious Foods on Saturday, Sept. 6.