How To Survive a Pandemic, Part Two: Loving Weird Film

How To Survive a Pandemic, Part Two: Loving Weird Film
Our critic recommends“The Incredibly Strange Creatures Who Stopped Living and Became Mixed-Up Zombies”for film fans.

Back in the summer, I suggested some streaming and reading choices to combat the boredom of life during the COVID-19 pandemic. 

The other day I was chatting (by phone) with someone who suggested I use my extensive knowledge of the world’s worst and weirdest films for a similar piece.

So while you wait for Phase 37z to commence so you can get your vaccine, why not pass the time with these astonishingly bad and/or bizarre movies, all available on the usual streaming suspects:

• “The Incredibly Strange Creatures Who Stopped Living and Became Mixed-Up Zombies” (1964):

Starring the immortal Cash Flagg, this unsettling look behind the scenes of a circus is almost completely uncontaminated by a plot. It’s also a musical. (On Fandor.)

• “Dead Snow” (2009): Director Tommy Wirkola reanimated the Nazi zombie subgenre with this effort, which adds “frozen” to the description. A traditionalist at heart, Wirkola also relies on the timeless “stupid people in the woods” plot device, which provides the viewer with a comfortable perch from which to suspend disbelief. And you’ll need all the suspension you can get. Of course, it’s no “Zombie Lake,” (1981), which had nekkid volleyball, or “Shock Waves” (1977), which had Peter Cushing, but it will suffice. (On Amazon.)

• “For Y’ur Height Only” (1981):  I will argue that this is the greatest film ever made.

You can have your “Citizen Kane” and “Battleship Potemkin.” Spare me your “Rear Window” and “The Third Man.”

Why? Because none of these so-called great films has a vertically challenged secret agent who escapes the bad guys by parachuting from a high balcony. With an umbrella.

Agent 3 ½, played by the immortal Weng Weng, is a big fan of the groin kick, that being the nearest area on the personal bodies of his assailants for a man of his stature to attack. (Weng Weng was 2 feet, 9 inches tall.)

But he’s also proficient with the mini machine gun and the mini samurai sword.

The flick also features atrocious dubbing in a rich and diverse variety of accents — Long Island Lockjaw, British Dowager, Brooklyn Hood.

And the main villain clearly studied at the Moammar Qaddafi Institute of Fashion.(On Plex.)

• “The Wrestling Women vs. The Aztec Mummy” (1965): This film answers two questions that have always bothered humanity:

1) Can bad guys really run around on ancient Aztec pyramids in those pointy little shoes without tripping?

2) Can women in tight sweaters and Capri pants really save the world from an Ancient Evil?

The Wrestling Women get on the trail of some thugs in the pay of the evil Black Dragon who have swiped the sacred Aztec breastplate. 

The chase goes hither and yon, with many fine wrestling sequences, some of them between the actors’ lips and the dubbed dialogue.

The Aztec Mummy is worth the price of admission alone. He makes a heartbreaking “waaargh” sound that really makes you wonder what it’s like to be locked for centuries in an airless room guarding a princess’ remains when all of a sudden bad guys in ill-fitting suits and pointy shoes, and female wrestlers in tight sweaters and missile-silo brassieres come barging in, stirring up the dust and generally making nuisances of themselves. (On Tubi.)

• “FDR: American Badass!” (2013): Relive the glory days of World War II with this unique take on the defeat of the Axis powers. With Werewolf Hitler, FDR’s armed wheelchair, and a guest appearance by Abraham Lincoln. 

A classic from the fevered brain of Ross Patterson, the man who in 2015 reinvented the Western novel with “At Night She Cries While He Rides His Steed.” (On Amazon Prime.)

Latest News

From one protester to 200: ‘No Kings’ rally draws large crowd in Amenia

A protester holds a sign at Fountain Square in Amenia on March 28, where more than 200 people gathered as part of the nationwide “No Kings” demonstrations.

Photo by Aly Morrissey

AMENIA — More than 200 people gathered at Fountain Square on March 28 as part of the nationwide “No Kings” demonstrations, marking a sharp rise from what began months ago with a single protester.

The rally was part of a coordinated day of protests held across the country and around the world, including many in small towns and rural communities throughout the region. Organizers estimated more than eight million people participated globally.

Keep ReadingShow less
Candy-O’s marks five years with move, merger with T-Shirt Farm

Gillian Osnato marks Candy-O’s five years, plans move

Photo by Aly Morrissey

MILLERTON — As Candy-O’s celebrates five years on Main Street, owner Gillian Osnato is preparing for a move that blends business with personal history.

The retro candy shop, which opened in 2021, will relocate two doors down, consolidating with The T-Shirt Farm — the longtime family business founded by Osnato’s late father, Sal Osnato.

Keep ReadingShow less
google preferred source

Want more of our stories on Google? Click here to make us a Preferred Source.

Rosemary Rose Finery to join Main Street retail lineup

Meg Musgrove, left, and Jessica Rose Lee set to open May 1.

Photo by Aly Morrissey

MILLERTON — A new chapter is coming to the former BES retail space on Main Street, where vintage jewelry dealer and herbalist Jessica Rose Lee will open Rosemary Rose Finery this spring after spending the last several years with a storefront in Salisbury, Connecticut.

Set to open May 1, the new shop will bring together Lee’s curated collection of vintage and estate jewelry, apothecary and wellness goods, and a continued lineup of craft workshops led by artist and screen printer Meg Musgrove, who built a following through classes she led at BES.

Keep ReadingShow less

A new life for Barrington Hall

A new life for Barrington Hall

Dan Baker, left, and Daniel Latzman at Barrington Hall in Great Barrington.

Provided

Barrington Hall in Great Barrington has hosted generations of weddings, proms and community gatherings. When Dan Baker and Daniel Latzman took over the venue last summer, they stepped into that history with a plan not just to preserve it, but to reshape how the space serves the community today.

Barrington Hall is designed for gathering, for shared experience, for the simple act of being together. At a time when connection is often filtered through screens and distraction, their vision is grounded in something simple and increasingly rare: real human connection.

Keep ReadingShow less
Paley’s Farm Market opens season, signaling start of spring

Paley’s Farm Market, located near the New York–Connecticut border on Amenia Road in Sharon, Conn.

Photo by Aly Morrissey

SHARON, Conn. — For many local residents, spring doesn’t truly begin until Paley’s Farm Market opens its doors, and customers turned out in force for its 44th season opening on Saturday, March 28.

Located on Amenia Road in Sharon, Paley’s is a seasonal destination for residents of New York and Connecticut and, over the past four decades, has evolved from a locally grown produce center into a full-scale garden center, farm market and fine food market.

Keep ReadingShow less
google preferred source

Want more of our stories on Google? Click here to make us a Preferred Source.

google preferred source

Want more of our stories on Google? Click here to make us a Preferred Source.